Monster
Monster, by Sydney Holofcener
by Sydney Holofcener
I wrote the song "Monster" in honor of Eating Disorder Awareness Week, 10 months after I was diagnosed with my own monster, Anorexia Nervosa. I wanted to take the opportunity to bring justice to all those suffering in silence, raise awareness for an illness that is surrounded by so many stigmas, and help people know they're not alone. This song was the turning point. This song marks the point where I knew that what I have to say matters. My story matters. I am worth listening to. That is the reason I am in college as a social work major. I want to be there for people who are afraid to have a voice or are yet to realize the power they have.
I initially wrote this song for my high school's talent show. I was shaking from the fear of vulnerability when I walked out into the light of the stage and up to the microphone. Singing this song in front of the whole student body meant that my heart was about to ooze out of my mouth, roll off my tongue, and touch the small worlds that were the hearts of everyone in the room. Some knew I had previously skipped the first two months of my senior year to go to residential treatment, but most didn't. My biggest fear was that nobody would get it. Much like the eating disorder in my brain would try and convince me of my insignificance, I was afraid I would be left on stage, alone in my thoughts and feelings. However, like always, my eating disorder was feeding me lies.
The reaction from the crowd was more than my mind even let me expect. I got a standing ovation. I left the stage shaking in shock and awe. I felt stronger in that moment than the false control of my eating disorder had ever made me feel. I will never forget the three little girls who came up to me with roses and thanked me for sharing my story - their mom in the distance, giving me a soft, thankful smile. The best thing that happened that night was when people began opening up about their personal stories and experiences with eating disorders and mental illness - either personal, or with people they knew. I realized I wasn’t alone.
That is why I want to be a social worker. I want people to realize the vastness of the phrase, “You are not alone.” Until I sang this song at my talent show, I didn’t understand what it meant either. Through authenticity and vulnerability, people came together. I have never written a song so fast in my life. They were the words that, at the time, I was still trying to convince myself of, but they were equally the worlds that many people need to be reminded of, as well. My past struggle with mental illness ended up being the path that brought me to the silver lining of discovering what I want to do with my life - major in social work and become an adolescent mental health therapist.
Everyone has a story. No one is alone or “crazy.” Social work has allowed me to put my life experiences to good use. We are all more than the lies our minds tell us.
-Sydney Holofcener
The link to my YouTube Channel and music video for the song, "Monster" –
"MONSTER" - LYRICS
VERSE 1
You're sitting on your bed
Feeling so alone
All you need is someone to help get you out of your head
Your mind is being consumed
With whispers of "I'm not good enough"
You don't know if it's the truth
Or just a monster inside of you
CHORUS
Oh, you're so much more than what your mind tells you
And you are worthy of love and happiness
And you are beautiful and powerful
And know just what to say
To that stupid voice inside your head—who's turning your soul grey
Please, don't listen -- Cause it doesn't know you anyway
VERSE 2
You can't trust what the mirror tells you
It doesn't see all the beauty within your soul
You can't look at your weight on a scale
and let that number define your worth
CHORUS
Oh, you're so much more than what your mind tells you
And you are worthy of love and happiness
And you are beautiful and powerful
And know just what to say,
To that stupid voice inside your head—who's turning your soul grey
Please, don't listen -- Cause it doesn't know you anyway
BRIDGE
When you're feeling all alone inside your head
The things your mind's sayin' just don't make sense
You don't know what’s the truth or pretend
Just know that I'm by your side
Don't keep it all in or run and hide
Cause I've been through it all before
Me and you are warriors
CHORUS
Oh, you're so much more than what your mind tells you
And you are worthy of love and happiness
And you are beautiful and powerful
And know just what to say,
To that stupid voice inside your head—who's turning your soul grey
Please, don't listen -- Cause it doesn't know you anyway
VERSE 3
Love yourself for who you are
Instead of hating what you're not
God created you fearfully and wonderfully
The greatest gift you can give yourself is recovery
Choose Recovery
Shout out your problems
Please ask for help
Someone wants to hold your hand
And nurse you back to health
PRE-ENDING
...And when you're all alone in the middle of the night
Just imagine I'm by your side
Cause I've been there... Oh, I’ve been there… So stuck in there...
ENDING
I know what its like to feel like you're in the dark
And no one can save your heart
From falling...
From falling into
The monster that's consuming you
Sydney Holofcener
Sydney Holofcener
Sydney Holofcener is a Social Work major at Belmont University. She is an eating disorder survivor who advocates for mental health support for college students, and plans to become an Adolescent Mental Health therapist.