by Silas W. Kelly, LMSW
Silas Kelly and his foster mother, Mrs. Cox
I went from being left out on a stoop in Brooklyn, and feeling worthless and abandoned, to being rescued and healed. Social work initiated the rescue, and my foster mother, the late Mrs. Ruth Alexandra Cox, was the healer. She spent her entire life dedicated to raising two little boys from Brooklyn who she did not give birth to. She had no biological children, but she loved and nurtured my brother and me as if we came out of her womb.
She took care of us with love and compassion. Her actions spoke volumes to me as a 3-year-old child severely traumatized from being separated from my biological family, physically abused, terrorized, and abandoned. Her actions of compassion provided everything my brother and I needed. First and foremost was regular and consistent home-cooked meals.
My brother and I were severely under-nourished when we were taken from Brooklyn and placed in the Cox home in Amityville. I remember he and I were not used to having food regularly, so we would put “bread and cheese” from breakfast in our pockets for later. We thought there wouldn’t be any more food for the rest of the day. Our mother used to find the food in our pockets when she went to wash our dirty clothes. I think she realized right away that we hadn’t been eating regularly. So, rather than scold us, she would gently remind us every day what time the “next meal” would be served to allay our fears. That for sure was an action filled with compassion.
I was really affected and traumatized by the abandonment that I experienced early on before being removed from my biological family. I remember many days playing in the yard with my brother and then all of a sudden getting this frightful feeling that my foster mother had gone. So, every five minutes, I would run to the door leading to the kitchen, stick my head in the door, and say, “Mama, you still here?” She would look at me, smile lovingly, and compassionately say, “Yes, Silas, I am still here. I’m not going anywhere.” That was so hard for me to believe.
Mrs. Cox was dedicated to healing a broken, defeated soul who was emotionally and psychologically damaged. She took that compassion and turned it into the loving action of helping us to heal. But of all the loving and compassionate things she did, the most important one was that she went out of her way to make sure that my brother and I never harbored any ill will toward our biological mother. She used to say to us, time and time again, “Don’t hold it against your mother that she didn’t raise you. She loves you and she did the best that she could. It’s not her fault.”
She was always there to lift my spirits. No matter what happened, she would always exhibit compassion and encouragement. If I had a disappointment, she would say, “Don’t worry, Silas. The sun’s going to shine for you one day.” Her compassion and action during my formative years allowed me to begin the long, excruciating process of healing.
Silas W. Kelly, LMSW, is the CEO/Founder of Kelsunn Communications, Inc. He hosts and produces the Award-Winning “Kelsunn-on-the-Air” Social Work Podcast, which “promotes the social work profession.” He is also an adjunct professor in the MSW program at Saint Joseph University’s School of Social Work, in Patchogue, NY. He is also a Veteran’s Case Management Social Worker for Concern Housing, Inc.