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by Allan Barsky, JD, MSW, PhD
Having taught social work courses since 1989, I have often been impressed by students’ ability to approach clients with compassion, patience, and respect—even in the face of a client’s anger, noncooperation, rudeness, or hostility. The National Association of Social Workers (2021) emphasizes respect for the dignity and worth of all people, regardless of the circumstances. In addition, many of my own social work practice courses incorporate Carl Rogers’ core conditions of helping relationships, including the importance of unconditional positive regard (Rogers, 1956). Given these foundational values and therapeutic conditions, perhaps I should not be surprised about our new social workers’ ability to remain positive, empathic, genuine, and person-centered, even when working with clients under challenging circumstances.
What occasionally surprises me, however, is the greater difficulty that some new social workers experience in dealing with co-workers and colleagues who are “not so nice” to them. Consider an MSW group presentation project. The majority of the group is angry that one member is dominating the group, or perhaps is not doing their fair share of the work. Consider also a social work intern who is upset with a more senior worker at their agency who refuses to work with them or who talks down to them. In each of these situations, the new social worker’s anger with their colleague may be justified. After all, a person’s feelings should not be judged. People have a right to their feelings.
The question, however, is, “How should aggrieved social workers respond when they believe that a colleague has behaved unprofessionally, rudely, or incompetently?” Once again, the NASW Code of Ethics suggests that we should treat our colleagues with respect—the same as we should treat clients and all people, regardless of who they are and how they have treated us.
Understanding the Challenge
There are various reasons why problematic actions of professional colleagues may be more difficult to manage than difficult interactions with clients. When we’re working with clients, we know that they may be coming to us with various physical, psychological, and social challenges—physical pain, mental illness, poverty, trauma, and so on. We know that it’s our role to help them. We learn that we should strive for awareness of countertransference—unconscious feelings and biases that we may transfer onto our clients (Prasko et al., 2022). We also learn to use supervision to raise awareness and work through our countertransference so we can focus on the needs and interests of our clients, not letting our feelings get the best of us.
When we’re working with colleagues, however, we have different expectations. They are not coming to our programs for help. They are supposed to be part of the helping. They should be working with us, acting professionally, and solving problems, not causing them. When a colleague fails to collaborate, it can feel personal and unfair, creating resentment and tension. Because we have different expectations of our colleagues, we may have greater challenges being kind and respectful with our co-workers—particularly when they have disappointed us, hurt us, or otherwise fallen below our expectations. Isn’t our anger justified?
Being a Social Worker With Colleagues
A wise supervisor once told me, “We are not just social workers with our clients. We are social workers in all our interactions, including our interactions with professional colleagues.” This does not mean that our role is to provide therapy or counseling to our colleagues, but it does mean we should approach workplace relationships with empathy, compassion, and patience. Although we may feel angry with our colleagues, it is not our role to diss them, ignore them, or report them to authorities out of spite or anger. Just as we should strive for awareness of our feelings toward clients, we should strive for awareness of our feelings toward our colleagues. If we feel angry, annoyed, or let down by our colleagues, we should explore these feelings and figure out ways to work through them-—alone or, perhaps, with a supervisor. We should determine how to focus on our main job: serving clients. We should acknowledge that working respectfully with our colleagues can be vital to ensuring quality services for our clients.
Emotional Regulation
It may be helpful to recognize that feelings such as anger and irritation may be secondary emotions—that is, emotions that we experience in response to a primary emotion such as fear, sadness, or hurt. When we feel anger toward a colleague, it might be because we are afraid of the colleague. Perhaps we think the colleague is intentionally trying to make our life difficult. Alternatively, our anger might be a sign of disappointment. Perhaps this is a colleague that you liked and trusted, but now their actions have violated your trust.
Understanding the possible sources of our anger may help us take a step back, explore different perspectives, think rationally, and determine the best way to proceed. Awareness and understanding are key to emotional regulation (Kozubal et al., 2023). They allow us to make deliberate choices about how to modulate our response. Rather than acting out of anger and impulse, we can use deep breathing, calming self-talk, mindfulness, cognitive reframing, open and constructive communication, rational problem-solving, and other constructive strategies.
Ethical Guidelines for Managing Conflict With Colleagues
Standard 2.01 of the NASW Code of Ethics guides us to show respect for our colleagues and to avoid unwarranted negative criticism. Accordingly, we should not vent our anger about colleagues with clients (Standard 2.04), we should not spread rumors about our colleagues, and we should not exaggerate concerns that we have with our colleagues. When we have concerns about a colleague’s competence, Standard 2.09 reminds us to “consult with that colleague when feasible and assist the colleague in taking remedial action.” The first step in dealing with concerns about a colleague is not to report the colleague to a supervisor, the NASW, their licensing body, or another authority. Rather, we should try (when feasible) to work out the problem informally and directly with the colleague.
When engaging in discussions with colleagues, we should use our best communication and conflict management skills (Barsky, 2017). Check in with the colleague. Find out how they are doing. Knowing more about the colleague’s situation may provide you with a better understanding of their behavior. For instance, did you know that your classmate who wasn’t doing their fair share of a group project was going through a difficult divorce, had a recent cancer diagnosis, or is scared that their family may be deported? Avoid assuming negative motivations for your colleague’s actions. Perhaps your expectations were too high, or perhaps you did not understand the colleague’s true situation. Empathy may lead to grace.
Engage your colleague in a caring and open discussion. Listen. Demonstrate empathy. Conflict management includes asserting your concerns, but doing so in a constructive manner. Speak in positive tones. Rather than labeling a colleague as lazy or inconsiderate, identify the particular concern in nonjudgmental terms. “I wanted to speak with you about our group project. It’s due next week, and I am concerned that your section of the project might not be ready in time.” Offer support. “Is there anything that I can do to help?” Engage in collaborative problem solving. Brainstorm multiple options for moving forward (Barsky, 2017). Be creative. Consider bringing in additional resources. “It sounds like you’re having trouble with the literature search. Do you think it would be helpful for us to make an appointment with the reference librarian for assistance?” Alternatively, “Would it be helpful to schedule a meeting with our professor?” The focus of the conversation is not to punish, but to consider remedies for the conflict and underlying concerns.
Conclusion
We are not our colleagues’ therapists, but we are their colleagues. We depend on one another. We need to respect one another. And it’s important to demonstrate understanding, patience, and compassion, even when our colleagues are not necessarily treating us in the same manner. We are professionals with particular ethical responsibilities in all our interactions at work.
References
Barsky, A. E. (2023). Essential ethics for social work practice. Oxford University Press.
Barsky, A. E. (2017). Conflict resolution for the helping professions: Negotiation, mediation, advocacy, facilitation, and restorative justice (3rd ed.). Oxford University Press.
Kozubal, M., Szuster, A., & Wielgopolan, A. (2023). Emotional regulation strategies in daily life: The intensity of emotions and regulation choice. Frontiers in Psychology, 14, 1-9. http://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1218694
Prasko, J., Ociskova, M., Vanek, J., Burkauskas, J., Slepecky, M., Bite, I., Krone, I., Sollar, T., & Juskiene, A. (2022). Managing transference and countertransference in cognitive behavioral supervision: Theoretical framework and clinical application. Psychological Research and Behavior Management, 15, 2129-2155. https://doi.org/10.2147/PRBM.S369294
National Association of Social Workers. (2021). Code of ethics. Author. https://www.socialworkers.org/About/Ethics/Code-of-Ethics/Code-of-Ethics-English
Rogers, C. R. (1957). The necessary and sufficient conditions of therapeutic personality change. Journal of Consulting Psychology, 21(2), 95–103. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0045357
Allan Barsky, JD, MSW, PhD, is Professor of Social Work at Florida Atlantic University and author of Social Work Values and Ethics (Oxford University Press).
The views expressed in this article do not necessarily represent the views of any of the organizations to which the author is affiliated, or the views of The New Social Worker magazine or White Hat Communications.