Photo credit: BigStockPhoto/Tanya09
by Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, lead co-editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals
Letter-writing is making a comeback, both as a topic and a practice. The epistolary genre is a long-time favorite of mine. Books like Letters to a Young Therapist and Letters to a Young Poet are iconic in their influence and inspiration. Letter-writing—couched in narrative approach—is a technique with multiple uses and applications.
So, I decided to write a letter to myself, when I was just beginning to delve into prioritizing self-care. I hope my letter resonates and perhaps encourages you to write your own—and invite others in your sphere to do so, too.
Dearest Newbie Self-Care Self:
I’m writing to you, with love, as I reflect on my self-care journey over decades. First, Thank You for taking such good care—yes, I know, imperfectly—of me. Your dedication to self-care as a lifestyle was both challenging and rewarding. Overall, I affirm: It was worth it! My well-being is infinitely better because of your attention to and investment in prioritizing self-care.
I want to reflect on a few interconnected self-care insights I would’ve advised when starting on this journey—and remind you that you’re still on the journey.
Self-Care Is a Serious Matter
As you start into self-care, many will try to tell you—both explicitly and implicitly—it’s a “privilege” and “luxury.” Don’t listen! To quote Taylor Swift (a self-care role model!), “Shake it off!” Instead, get deeply serious about self-care—both personally and professionally. Wholistic, expansive self-care is an ethical concern, best practice, and an issue of human rights. You’re human, with inherent rights to justice and well-being. Treat yourself that way!
And, in terms of efficient, effective self-care: Making self-care an area of professional scholarship/practice is a win-win! Your passion for/investment in this topic will make both your personal and professional journey exponentially meaningful.
Keep It Simple
Looking at what I struggle with through decades of self-care, I realize much of it revolves around four basic areas: Movement, Rest, Nutrition, and Connection. When struggling—which you will do every day, to some degree—keep it simple, go back to basics.
Ask yourself, how am I incorporating: movement (yoga, walking, etc.); rest (pausing, re-setting, vacationing, etc.); nutrition (nurturing myself; healthy diet, etc.); connection (with self, purpose, people, planet)? What’s one small thing I can do today to incorporate those? Do a walk-talk meeting in nature, take a nap, meal-prep this Sunday, participate in spiritual activity.
Stay True to Your Values
You’ll learn—through difficult circumstances—that much discontent comes from incongruent living, i.e., not living consistently with core values, such as advocacy, accountability, joy. Actually, your self-care will be refined and solidified during challenging circumstances.
You’ll learn that times of crisis can be the BEST (and certainly most important) times to become dedicated to your own self-care—rather than expending your well-being. And, self-care must be a core value.
Nurture Authentic Relationships
As a corollary, realize ASAP, whilst self-care is your responsibility, you do not do self-care alone. Expansive self-care encompasses being attentive to relationships—including with self, others, and the Universe. As Dr. Maya Angelou said, “When people show you who they are, believe them.” Following this wisdom will save you time, energy, and angst. This adage means to recognize when someone is untrustworthy and set appropriate boundaries. It also means to intentionally nurture relationships that bring and value authenticity—which includes mutual accountability, shared compassion, and genuine connection.
Importantly, collective care and self-care are inextricably linked. It’s truly both/and, not either/or.
Be Fully Human
Perhaps most importantly, remember that practicing self-care is, at core, simply and powerfully about being fully human. You’ll hear self-care framed as the “airline mask to put on before helping others.” That’s dangerous framing. Self-care isn’t an add-on for emergencies. Instead, self-care is an essential—it’s BREATH! It’s everything we need to keep breathing—fully and freely as a human.
Self-care must be individualized—there are both universal elements and individualized aspects of being human. Honor your own human self. It must be intentional. It doesn’t just happen, and nobody’s going to do it for you. And, it must be integrated. It’s a lifestyle.
Bottom line, dear one: Self-Care Is Everything, Everywhere, All the Time! Keep breathing. And, I’ll see you later for a big self-care hug…
Peace, Love, and Self-Care, Always in All Ways!
Your Turn
This reflective letter reinforces my current self-care practices and priorities. It reminds me that we are never too young or too old to (re)learn important self-care.
Now, dear self-care companion: Your turn. Maybe write a letter to your newbie self. Or, maybe it’s more apropos to write a letter to your future self. Or, a more generic letter to a young practitioner. Regardless, as always, I invite you to share it with the rest of us on this self-care journey.
Peace, Love, & Self-Care, Erlene
Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, is a Partner in The Wellness Group, ETC. This LLC provides evaluation, training, and consultation for organizational wellness and practitioner well-being. Dr. Grise-Owens is lead editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals. As a former faculty member and graduate program director, she and a small (but mighty!) group of colleagues implemented an initiative to promote self-care as part of the social work education curriculum. Previously, she served in clinical and administrative roles. She has experience with navigating toxicity and dysfunction, up-close and personal! Likewise, as an educator, she saw students enter the field and quickly burn out. As a dedicated social worker, she believes the well-being of practitioners is a matter of social justice and human rights. Thus, she is on a mission to promote self-care and wellness!