Photo credit BigStockPhoto Ma_Rock
by Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, lead co-editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals
Rebecca Solnit wrote an essay, then book, titled Men Explain Things to Me. The essay described an encounter at a party where a friend introduced Solnit to a man. The friend noted that Solnit had expertise on a particular subject. The man insisted on telling Solnit about a book on that subject that she must read. Even after Solnit’s friend clarified that Solnit was the author of that book, the man persisted in explaining it to her. Solnit’s essay generated the term for the common phenomenon of “mansplaining.”
To a lesser degree, I often experience a similar phenomenon when discussing self-care. I certainly don’t claim to know everything about self-care. I’m still (re)learning! However, I have an uncommon depth and breadth of expertise, based on more than two decades of dedicated studying, practicing, and promoting self-care. At a recent conference, I presented on the topic and wore a button: “Ask me about self-care.”
Emphatically, I always welcome any conversation about self-care! I’m thrilled it’s a much more common topic and expertise is growing! I am alternately appreciative, amused, and concerned about some of the conversations that ensue, however, when people new to the topic explain it to me. Like new converts, they’re often enthusiastic in their fervor, which I appreciate. At the same time, they often evoke tenaciously persistent misperceptions about self-care.
What I Mean
This sampling of some exchanges illustrates some common misperceptions.
There’s a magic formula for self-care.
One enthusiastic explainer described asking students, when discussing self-care, “How many of you iron your clothes? You need to stop ironing.” Another reported urging colleagues to do yoga, which changed her life. These examples illustrate a common misunderstanding of a foundational self-care principle: Self-care is individualized. For some, ironing is a form of self-care. (Not me!) For some, yoga is a form of self-care. (Yes, me!) However, everyone must determine their own path of self-care.
Self-care is an add-on.
“I encourage self-care in all my classes, but I don’t assign points.” This approach is common with faculty beginning to incorporate self-care. However, this approach illustrates another fallacy: that self-care is an add-on. That is, syllabi (with assignments and points) convey what is important for competency development. Realistically, anything not assigned points is extra. Self-care is not an extra; it’s an essential. Give it points due!
Mindfulness=Self-Care
One colleague explained that she covered self-care, elaborating that she taught mindfulness. It’s remarkably common to conflate self-care and mindfulness. Mindfulness is one component in a range of self-care aspects; it’s not interchangeable. Mindfulness is the “M” in our Self-Care, A-Z Handbook. It’s not the entire alphabet! 😊
I don’t have time for self-care.
Routinely, folks tell me they see the value of self-care and will practice it when they have time. This misperception—which our frenetic dominant culture feeds—is one of the most harmful barriers. If you struggle with this barrier, please, read this: The time for self-care is NOW!
Maybe you shouldn’t call it “self-care.” I think “we-care” is more important. Also, don’t organizations have responsibility?
I’m taken aback by how many folks are compelled to explain my error in talking about “self-care” and presume I discount community care and/or organizational accountability. Dichotomizing these constructs and seeing them as contradictory is a significantly harmful misperception. Colleagues and I write extensively about this concern. Please, read some of it. One word distills my message: AND. It’s not either/or; it’s both/and.
Why This Matters
I hesitated to write this blog, because it might be misconstrued. However, it’s important to recognize this phenomenon, which presents in arenas from academic scholarship to organizational contexts to pop culture media. People present themselves as self-care experts without any credible background, grounding in the study of self-care, or credentials for doing so. For instance, as a journal manuscript reviewer, I often see submissions purporting to be about self-care that are actually about another topic and/or have woefully inadequate attention to pertinent literature on self-care. The implicit message is that self-care is not a serious topic, so anyone can write about it.
Again, emphatically, each of us are “experts” in self-care. Each individual has expertise on our own lives, and, thus, how to attend to our own care. One of the goals of this self-care blog forum is to provide a space for multiple viewpoints on self-care, with dozens of guest writers.
And, I urge that we all treat self-care more seriously. Yes, we all have expertise (and, hopefully, enthusiasm) in self-care. And, self-care is an area that requires intentionally increasing expertise. Let’s all commit to treating self-care with the respect due a serious subject.
Yes, explain it to me; and, also, do the homework, please. 😊
Peace, Love, and Self-Care,
Erlene
Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, is a Partner in The Wellness Group, ETC. This LLC provides evaluation, training, and consultation for organizational wellness and practitioner well-being. Dr. Grise-Owens is lead editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals. As a former faculty member and graduate program director, she and a small (but mighty!) group of colleagues implemented an initiative to promote self-care as part of the social work education curriculum. Previously, she served in clinical and administrative roles. She has experience with navigating toxicity and dysfunction, up-close and personal! Likewise, as an educator, she saw students enter the field and quickly burn out. As a dedicated social worker, she believes the well-being of practitioners is a matter of social justice and human rights. Thus, she is on a mission to promote self-care and wellness!