Photo credit BigStockPhoto dolgachov
by Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, lead co-editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals
Holiday season is challenging for self-care, especially for those in the helping professions. Previously, I wrote a popular post, 7 Strategies for Self-Care in Seasons of Stress (SOS). Please, review and share!
This post complements those seven specific strategies with three interlocking approaches for practicing self-care during this season of stress. In part, I gleaned these approaches from conversations with colleagues. What might you add?
Choose Meaning NOT More
In response to my query about approaches to self-care during this season, Shamina promptly replied, “Saying NO! There’s ZERO need to keep hosting get-togethers to only get stressed.” Shamina elaborated that worrying about whether the turkey is dry or the house is decorated just adds too much stress. “Lorrie” echoed that sentiment. She said she’s being more mindful about her family’s schedule, choosing what matters most, and being sure it includes down time and me-time. Janice elaborated how she practiced this approach during a recent visit from her son. “On Saturday, we opted for a slow day at home. We even chose to skip the planned evening out at a jazz club. This chill time together was the best!”
Marley described how, for the past few years, she’s downsized her holiday activities. She realized during COVID shutdown that in years past, she’d “run myself and my kids ragged” trying to get around to all the family gatherings and hosting one, too. Every year, she did more and more, but with decreasing meaning in these frenetic holiday obligations. She’d go into debt—time and money—to fulfill these obligations that many family members took for granted, whilst short-changing her own children. Insightfully, she noted that during COVID, the small family meal with simple gifts and time together was especially meaningful for her introverted soul. She continues to try to honor that meaningful approach.
Choose what is Meaningful, instead of More!
Practice Presence NOT Purchasing Presents
Similarly, as Shamina elaborated, “Less is more. And, that includes gifts.” Like Shamina, several folx shared that they’ve significantly changed gift-giving—including being more intentional about shopping to support local businesses and meaningful causes. For many, this intentionality aligns with political activism of conscientious consumerism. Likewise, focus on experiences, rather than material gifts. Peggy shared that she gives her grandkids coupons for time together at a concert or craft project, and so forth.
Rita, an administrator for a child welfare agency, described how this season is incredibly hectic; she’s always over-extended. When Rita had young children, early on, she established a tradition that their family didn’t exchange presents. Instead, throughout the year, they planned a family trip for January. After the frenzied holiday, this experience allows them to decompress, reconnect, and simply be together for a memorable experience.
Presence, NOT Presents.
Prioritize Celebration NOT Obligation
Our family/village encompasses a variety of faiths. For many years, during this holiday season, my partner, Larry, and I have celebrated Jolabokaflod. This Icelandic tradition involves sharing books and chocolates on December 24th and cozying in for an evening of reading and consuming chocolates. We select a book of the year to give to adults and accompany it with Happy Balls—a bourbon-chocolate confection made in our hometown by a family-owned business. For kids, we select a book for each child, accompanied with packets of hot chocolate and a gift card for a book of their choice. This simple tradition is a celebration, not an obligation. It conveys our love of books, travel, and chocolate. It also conveys an expansive approach to holidays. As our grandson said, “You celebrate everything!” 😊
As another example, in slight contrast with Shamina, Eileen said she and her partner, Kathy, cook a celebratory feast to share with loved ones at the holidays. They enjoy every aspect of this celebration. Well, maybe not every aspect. They emphasize the importance of asking for help and sharing the load. An important facet of individualized self-care is knowing what brings you joy and what stresses you out. For some, hosting a meal is a delightful celebration. For others, it’s a dreaded obligation. What’s celebration and what’s obligation for you?
Celebration is a form of self-care. As you consider how to practice meaning and be present, think about what and how you want to celebrate this season. Maybe it includes celebrating the life of a loved one who passed away this year, which enfolds your grief rather than denying it. Maybe it involves celebrating a particularly meaningful religious tradition, but in a way that fills your spirit rather than burdens you with obligations. Maybe it requires setting boundaries to prioritize significant connections. Be sure to engage this holiday as an ideal time for self-care, rather than an exhausting time for depleting yourself.
Happy Holidays! Celebrate, Be Present, and Practice Meaning,
Peace, Love, & Self-Care,
Erlene
Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, is a Partner in The Wellness Group, ETC. This LLC provides evaluation, training, and consultation for organizational wellness and practitioner well-being. Dr. Grise-Owens is lead editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals. As a former faculty member and graduate program director, she and a small (but mighty!) group of colleagues implemented an initiative to promote self-care as part of the social work education curriculum. Previously, she served in clinical and administrative roles. She has experience with navigating toxicity and dysfunction, up-close and personal! Likewise, as an educator, she saw students enter the field and quickly burn out. As a dedicated social worker, she believes the well-being of practitioners is a matter of social justice and human rights. Thus, she is on a mission to promote self-care and wellness!