by Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, lead co-editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals
Photo credit: BigStockPhotoPixelsAway
Previously, I shared how I’ve been intensely studying, practicing, and promoting self-care for about two decades now. I articulated three things I know for sure about self-care. (Please, review here.) This post continues that list with how I learned to address three insidious, interlocking myths about self-care, with the power of “And.”
Self-care is universal and individualized.
Amongst many myths about self-care, one of the most problematic is that a magic, one-self-care-plan-fits-all exists. In an all-or-nothing mindset, I tried to find, follow, and teach a universal self-care path. On this journey, I learned the power of “And.”
That is, self-care is universal and individualized. Rest, movement, nutrition, connection (and boundaries) are universal facets of self-care that must always be considered. These facets require attention—universally—for fully flourishing as a human being.
And, your self-care is not necessarily my self-care and vice versa. That is, your self-care must fit with your individualized values, preferences, interests, and circumstances. For example, you may view your physical self-care as being athletic; you happily and habitually go to the gym and run. Whereas, I frame my physical self-care as being active; my goal is to move (somehow!). I know I must be especially conscientious about tracking my steps and other factors. In self-care, we certainly can learn from each other, universally. And, you do you, individually!
Self-care is serious and superficial.
Like anything with significant power, self-care is weaponized and commodified. It’s critiqued as privilege and a fad. When I first started promoting self-care in the social work curriculum, most colleagues dismissed those efforts as superficial. Since then, awareness of self-care as essential has grown. Still, a lot of the talk about self-care is consumeristic babble, and some is downright harmful. “Experts” who downplay self-care are especially dangerous. We must be cautious about limiting self-care.
A friend recently said, “I used to think self-care was bubble baths and vacays. I wasn’t really practicing self-care.” I gently replied, “Yes, you were!” Self-care definitively involves the more superficial, self-soothing “B” modes—such as bubble baths, bon-bons, and binging. Self-care involves comfort, fun, joy! In some ways, these seemingly superficial facets are entry points for deeper self-care attention. They’re not negotiable or negligible. They’re necessary.
And, self-care is often painful, difficult, uncomfortable, and boring. Sometimes, we need to be satisfied with “good enough” self-care. Because self-care is about taking care of oneself as a complex human being, it’s a serious matter. Like a balanced life, it’s both struggle and celebration. It’s both superficial and serious.
Self-care is an integrated lifestyle and requires special attention.
Similarly, I’ve learned that real self-care needs to engage both usual routine and special measures. Here’s an analogy. When my partner and I travel, people often say toward the end of a trip, “Now, it’s back to reality.” We clarify, “Travel is real. We have some incredibly real experiences when traveling.” We’ve realized that people mistake everyday routine with the essence of reality. Certainly, real self-care—as an integrated lifestyle—must be routine and every day. It engages regular habits, rituals, and practices.
As I’ve clarified, self-care is not—as a familiar metaphor proclaims--merely a mask we put on in unusual circumstances. Real, wholistic, expansive self-care is breath—everything that keeps us breathing most fully and freely. It’s the activities, approaches, attitudes, and accountability integrated into daily life that fosters our well-being. So, yes, it’s the breath.
And, we need to use a “mask” sometimes. Toxic environments can require a full haz-mat suit. Self-care includes being intentional about particular attention to certain areas—beyond routine or normative considerations. This special attention may be prioritizing travel—as it is for me and my partner. It may be investing in a professional development opportunity—especially when needing to recharge professionally. Maybe, it’s a short-term strategy of leaving early or as significant as quitting a job. Or, hiring a cleaning service or cancelling a commitment. Self-care is both daily routine and special efforts.
These six lessons crystallize some of what I know for sure about self-care. These lessons—applied diligently in a complementary fashion—have exponential effects and sustain self-care long-term. And, I’m still learning.
What do you know for sure about self-care? What are you learning?
Peace, Love, & Self-Care,
Erlene
Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, is a Partner in The Wellness Group, ETC. This LLC provides evaluation, training, and consultation for organizational wellness and practitioner well-being. Dr. Grise-Owens is lead editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals. As a former faculty member and graduate program director, she and a small (but mighty!) group of colleagues implemented an initiative to promote self-care as part of the social work education curriculum. Previously, she served in clinical and administrative roles. She has experience with navigating toxicity and dysfunction, up-close and personal! Likewise, as an educator, she saw students enter the field and quickly burn out. As a dedicated social worker, she believes the well-being of practitioners is a matter of social justice and human rights. Thus, she is on a mission to promote self-care and wellness!