Use Your Broken Heart for Good
by Sherry Saturno, LCSW, DCSW
Some of us have a complicated relationship with Valentine’s Day. You’ll hear cynics say it is just an excuse to sell flowers, but this article isn’t for the detractors. If you’re going through a rough time and know what it’s like to get your heart broken, then this one is for you.
When you’re brokenhearted, what do you do? Turn to a sympathetic friend, or recapitulate what went wrong in your mind? Or worse, furtively scroll through Facebook to see what your ex has been up to? Friend, don’t do it. What if you were to try a different approach? Find your sense of humor and get out of your own head. Don’t call, don’t text, and no spying on social media. Everyone needs time to reflect, but after you’ve dealt with your feelings as much as you can, try to divert your attention to something positive.
You can turn heartache into something beautiful - motivation, strength, originality. Think of all the brilliant works of art produced and songs written as a result by someone in your situation. Rejection has been the fuel behind countless success stories, not just with instances of romantic love, but also for those who have survived discrimination, exclusion, and bullying.
Anytime you get hurt, it creates all sorts of interesting cracks in your heart, but they can still let light in when you least expect it. You become a more compelling person as a result. When you lose yourself in helping others, you’ll find something greater than yourself. Instead of running from the pain, let it become a catalyst to change your life and leave your past behind. Allow it to ignite your imagination and inspire you to take chances. It’s so often what we don’t do that we end up regretting the most.
This experience, as challenging as it is in the present, is an opportunity to channel your energy into something constructive. It will help you recognize something good when you finally find it. Even when those ghosts from the past appear, invite them in and then let them go. They’ll only knock louder if you try to ignore them. Memories and scars that are troubling you now will be stitched together by those who help you heal.
When you do find love again, it will be all the more consuming, because you know what it means to live without it. People question sometimes if it’s even worth it when you know what you’re risking. And I will always answer, unequivocally, yes.
Sherry Saturno, LCSW, LNHA, DCSW, is a graduate of Columbia University School of Social Work and received a national post-graduate fellowship at New York University Silver School of Social Work.