Self-Care Strategy: Write a Self-Compassionate Letter

by Michele Belliveau, Ph.D., MSW, LSW

     Having taught undergraduate social work students for the past 12 years, I can unequivocally say that they are a compassionate bunch…except when it comes to themselves. When it comes to self-critique, they are harsh, biting, unrelenting, and uncompromising. However, when it comes to others (friends, siblings, classmates, clients, just about everyone else), they are empathic souls who understand that life is about making mistakes and having supportive friends, family, communities, and policies to help us out.

     This spring, I had a particularly diverse group of seniors in my practice seminar. They came from varying backgrounds of privilege and struggle; from rural, urban, and suburban communities; and from a spectrum of political consciousness. Yet, they all shared the same uncanny ability to judge themselves so harshly that it became challenging to encourage critical feedback.

     Much has been written about self-compassion: the ability to give ourselves the same kindness we would give a friend. In February, I listened to an episode of the podcast, The Science of Happiness, entitled “Quieting Your Inner Critic,” in which the focus was on the practice of writing “the self-compassionate letter.” The podcast profiled a UC Berkeley student who had spent two decades in and out of jail and had agreed to engage in a practice designed to promote resilience, happiness, and connection. The student wrote his letter to himself as if he were writing to someone else: a friend, a mentee, anyone he cared about and wanted to help. After listening to the podcast, I asked my students to do the following:

     Listen to the podcast: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/podcasts/item/quieting_your_inner_critic.

     I then asked them to take some time writing a short self-compassionate letter to themselves. They could choose to share this letter with me, or they could write about the process of writing the letter and what they discovered in writing it. The purpose of this was to enhance their social work “toolkit,” but also to develop self-care strategies as they began to move toward the role of social worker. I asked the students to upload their responses to our shared site and to come prepared to discuss them in class the following week.

     Having read and discussed their responses, I want to encourage all social workers to listen to the podcast and write a letter of self-compassion, for several reasons. First and foremost, to write this type of letter is a strategy for self-care. Second, engaging in an honest and compassionate assessment of oneself opens the way to having true empathy and connection with others. Finally, it is a practice you can always return to and share with others.

Michele Belliveau, Ph.D., MSW, LSW, is an associate professor in the West Chester University Undergraduate Social Work Department, where she teaches social policy and social work practice.