A Basketful of Good Intentions

by Rachel A. Eden

     Years ago, around Thanksgiving, the church I was attending was having a food drive. Unoriginal, yes, but with the best of intentions. Food baskets for those in need. The “less fortunate.”  Nonperishables were preferred, and some turkeys would be purchased by the church as soon as we knew how many food baskets could be made based on the amount of food collected.

     I took my fair share of food to the church every Sunday from mid-October to mid-November. Canned corn, beans, carrots, boxes of stuffing mix, pasta, and so on. It made me feel good. I was doing the right thing. Helping those who had less than I had. I imagined the looks on the faces of the recipients when they received their food baskets. Full of surprise and gratitude, no doubt.

     A few days before Thanksgiving, my husband and I were at home when we heard a knock on the door. We opened it and were surprised to see some of the people from church…with a big basket of food…including a turkey.

     The church friends were beaming and wishing us a happy Thanksgiving in excited voices. I quickly pasted a smile on my face as I tried to figure out what was happening. I was so confused. Why were they here with one of the Thanksgiving food baskets?

     It quickly became clear, as they told me they had been planning this for a while, since I had been out of work for a few months. The pasted smile stayed on my face as I eyed the basket and noticed several of the cans of vegetables and boxes of stuffing mix that I, myself, had donated to the overall cause in recent weeks.

     I felt humiliated.

     Hurt. Angry. And guilty because I was hurt and angry. I knew I was supposed to feel gratitude – and only gratitude. These people certainly never intended to embarrass me. They cared about me and were just trying to help. They knew how frustrated I was about my lack of employment and made assumptions with the best of intentions. But my cupboards were full and I, if anything, had too much food. While I needed employment, yes, we were doing just fine.

     I thanked them for their generosity, and after they left, I called my sister in tears and we talked about all of the times we had donated to the “needy.” Given to the cause. Stepped up for others. Never considering that maybe the recipients, while gracious with smiles on their faces, were also humiliated by our generosity. We hadn’t considered their dignity. Only their obligatory gratitude and how good it felt to us to “do the right thing” for them.

     Since then, I’ve thought a lot about how to value the dignity and worth of the person. I still serve those who are hurting or going without. But especially now, as a master of social work student, I remember how I felt all those years ago. I strive to treat each of my clients with dignity and respect, and with an acute awareness that I shouldn’t make assumptions about their situations or what their needs are until I get a fuller picture of what they’re okay with in terms of accepting help. It's a valuable lesson learned and one I’m so grateful for – sincerely grateful.

Rachel Eden is a first-year graduate student at Kennesaw State University pursuing her Master of Social Work degree. Upon graduation, she plans on becoming a grief counselor.