Kindness Starts Within

by Leticia Mejia

     November 13 marks World Kindness Day, which was established in 1998 by the World Kindness Movement. On World Kindness Day, we want to acknowledge that kindness starts within. Self-kindness is a form of self-compassion. It stems from Buddhist psychology, in which there is a kind and empathetic understanding of self (Neff, 2011). Instead of leaning on self-blame and self-judgment, self-kindness sees imperfections and mistakes as part of the human experience. This, in turn, is the pathway to emotional resilience (Neff, 2011).

The Problem

Disenfranchised Grief

     Members of the social work profession experience disenfranchised grief. Disenfranchised grief has to do with grief that is not openly acknowledged, validated, or publicly mourned (Doka, 1989, as cited in Simpson, 2013). It also has to do with individuals not acknowledging and validating their own grief (Albuquerque et al., 2021). As a result, when social workers experience disenfranchised grief, they are unable to cope and process it healthily. Social workers encounter and serve people who have suffered grief and loss. They, in turn, are inevitably affected by them, and this needs to be named, acknowledged, and socially accepted (Simpson, 2013). Self-compassion is about being open to our own suffering and pain in a non-judgmental way (Ying, 2009).

Trauma Exposure

     Previously reported research states that about 80% of men and women have experienced trauma and report that 30% of graduate students in helping professions have experienced trauma (Shannon et al., 2014). Furthermore, past trauma can support positive traumatic growth, leading some people into the social work profession (Branson, 2019). However, social workers who have a history of trauma - compared to their colleagues who do not have this history - are at a higher risk of experiencing compassion fatigue, vicarious trauma, and secondary trauma when working with trauma survivors. Social workers who are survivors of trauma may react to the trauma of others by re-experiencing their own trauma and having intrusive thoughts, intense feelings, avoidance behaviors, hyperarousal, and vulnerability (Shannon et al., 2014). 

The Solution Starts Within

Self-Kindness

     Kindness starts within as a form of self-compassion. Self-kindness has been linked to positive affect and positive well-being (Dreisoerner et al., 2021). Research suggests that self-kindness can be an effective tool to combat professional challenges and prevent burnout for social workers. It has also been linked with positive health outcomes. This includes being able to cope in times of distress and improving self-esteem, life satisfaction, and overall happiness (Ying, 2009).

3 Components of Self-Compassion

     Dreisoerner and colleagues (2021) have written about three components of self-compassion.

     1. Self-kindness. Perceived failure is met with empathy, compassion, and understanding rather than using self-judgment.

     2. Common humanity. Suffering is recognized as part of the human experience. Sharing our human experiences creates a sense of belonging rather than isolating ourselves.

     3. Mindfulness. This includes having awareness of our suffering and turning to compassion rather than judgment and over-identification. Be aware of the present moment rather than fixating on failures.

Tools That Can Work

     We can keep in mind the following tools as we practice self-kindness.

• Practice self-care and stay grounded.
• Write a letter to yourself as if you were addressing a friend in distress.
• Have a supervisor to help you navigate the complexities of the clients you serve and the trauma experience you feel while serving them.
• Practice awareness of your feelings by acknowledging, naming, and validating your inner feelings.
• Remind yourself that everyone struggles and has setbacks. You are not alone in your experience.
• Remember to be as kind to yourself as you would be to your best friend.

Benefits

     Self-kindness has many benefits. These include increased positive self-esteem, emotional resilience, self-acceptance, increased self-awareness, and increased happiness. It can also result in decreased feelings of inadequacy and decreased symptoms of stress and depression.

     In conclusion, research suggests that kindness starts within. It can effectively combat professional challenges and prevent burnout for social workers. Self-kindness helps nurture our inner voice to refrain from critical self-blame and shame. Self-kindness is a skill that needs to be practiced regularly.

     On this World Kindness Day, acknowledge that disenfranchised grief exists in the social work profession. We need to openly normalize our experience and seek validation by discussing it in supervision and consulting with others. We become better professionals when we accept our imperfections and understand that failures are part of the human experience.

References

Albuquerque, S., Teixeira, A. M., & Rocha, J. C. (2021). COVID-19 and disenfranchised grief. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 12, 638874–638874. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2021.638874

Branson, D. C., Radu, M. B., & Loving, J. D. (2019). Adverse childhood experiences scores: When social work students and trauma mix. The Journal of Baccalaureate Social Work, 24(1), 339–360. https://doi.org/10.18084/1084-7219.24.1.339

Dreisoerner, A., Junker, N. M., & van Dick, R. (2021). The relationship among the components of self-compassion: A pilot study using a compassionate writing intervention to enhance self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Journal of Happiness Studies, 22(1), 21–47. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-019-00217-4

Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion, self-esteem, and well-being. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 5(1), 1–12. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1751-9004.2010.00330.x

Shannon, P. J., Simmelink, J., Im, H., Becher, E., & Crook-Lyon, R. E. (2014). Exploring the experiences of survivor students in a course on trauma treatment. Psychological Trauma, 6(S1), S107–S115. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0032715

Simpson, J. E. (2013). Grief and loss: A social work perspective. Journal of Loss & Trauma, 18(1), 81–90. https://doi.org/10.1080/15325024.2012.684569

Ying, Y.-W. (2009). Contribution of self-compassion to competence and mental health in social work students. Journal of Social Work Education, 45(2), 309–323. https://doi.org/10.5175/JSWE.2009.200700072

Leticia Mejia is an MSW student at Chico State University. After graduating from Chico State in 2024, she plans to work toward the licensure process and her PhD. She aspires to do clinical social work supporting trauma survivors, specifically in the Latinx community.