Book Review: Shame-Proof Parenting: Find Your Unique Parenting Voice, Feel Empowered, and Raise Whole, Healthy Children

Shame-Proof Parenting: Find Your Unique Parenting Voice, Feel Empowered, and Raise Whole, Healthy Children, by Mercedes Samudio, LCSW, Paper Raven Books, ISBN: 978-0-9987406-0-7, USA, 2017, 209 pages, $14.99 paperback, $19.99 hardcover.

    Shame-Proof Parenting is based on the premise that parents are typically burdened by societal messages and judgments that inform one’s own self-appraisal in an arena where there are no one-size-fits-all rule books. Shame-Proof Parenting takes the reader through a self-reflective self-help journey beginning with understanding how one’s past influences parenting styles and choices. Samudio introduces the concept of reflective parenting, in which parenting behavior is focused on mirroring one’s own positive parenting experiences and changing the negative historical experiences. She also normalizes the myriad of feelings and self-judgments that parenting brings, while granting permission to make mistakes and maintain perspective. The author of Shame-Proof Parenting is attuned to modern-day struggles and a culture of competitiveness.

    Although there are concepts familiar to social workers, Samudio effectively reinforces the impact of labels and a culture of shame that pervades our society. Examining the pressure to conform and perform, Samudio lays a foundation for developing realistic expectations of parenting while giving permission to falter. The author requires the reader to be thoughtful and introspective, while providing very specific guidelines for pro-actively developing a “healthy parent identity.” As a parenting coach, Samudio uses examples from her practice experience to cheer on the reader. And, importantly, there is a chapter dedicated to creating a “shame-proof village,” emphasizing the necessity of support and building one’s identity beyond that of a parent. This book effectively distinguishes parenting gimmicks from challenging the reader to do deeper work, and provides tools to make the shift.

    Although some readers may like the informal, relatable writing style, others may find it simplistic. Shame-Proof Parenting is a creative self-help resource for parents. As well, social workers may benefit not only from recommending the book to clients, but also learning strategies to help clients shift their cognitive processes around shame and doubt to positive perspectives.

Reviewed by Amy Meyers, Ph.D., LCSW, Associate Professor and Director of Field Education, Molloy College, Rockville Centre, NY.