Self-Care A-Z: A Mindful Lifestyle
by Mary Waling, LCSW
Although not synonymous with self-care—as sometimes portrayed—mindfulness can be an effective self-care practice. As Lay (2016) said, “Mindfulness is one of the simplest, yet hardest ways to engage in self-care. It is simple, because it can be done anywhere at any time. It is hard, because it is counter to the multi-tasking, distracted...culture” (p. 80). Mindfulness takes many forms and needs to be somewhat individualized.
Refined over the years, my working definition of mindfulness focuses on breath. In this post, scenes in my life give context to how my definition formed. I hope you can use my experience to begin or deepen your mindfulness practice.
Finding Breath
The first instance of mindfulness that I recall happened when I was eight years old. My sister was involved in a car accident and suffered a TBI and an amputation. I was confused and scared. In time, although I couldn’t have articulated it then, I learned about a connection between my feelings, thoughts, and actions. I wasn’t instructed on this connection, but I remember school personnel pulling me out from my classes to discuss my actions, what I was thinking, and my feelings. From these conversations, and being treated differently from other students because of my circumstances, I intuited this connection.
The following year, I started playing the viola and got into softball and basketball. These experiences further shaped my definition of mindfulness. I learned patience, intention, and focus. I learned that taking deep breaths before executing a buzzer-beating shot or standing up to perform a solo in front of an audience, I could find peace. This simple practice anchored me and modulated my emotions.
In college, I learned formal definitions of mindfulness. In psychology, counseling, and sociology courses, I learned about mental health theories and practices, how the brain works, and how environments affect us. In classes, I memorized facts; but, for me, mindfulness is learned from life. I didn’t fully put into practice what I learned until much later.
Deepening Practice
In 2013, my life was uprooted again. My dad passed of cancer and my sister passed in a house fire. And, my best friend was murdered while working. These compounded crises destroyed me. I was attending graduate school at the time, while working full time. I was numb for a while, though surrounded by support.
As my grief fog passed, I (re)learned that, even during hard times, breath centers and grounds. In graduate classes, a professor began class with a centering breathing exercise. I (re)learned that breath eases my body’s tension and clears my mind, providing pause to find a next meaningful action.
Since then, I’ve merged my academic and lived experience. I’ve reinforced that taking deep breaths provides a foundation to expand awareness and be intentional with behaviors. I made connections with how breathing can slow heart rate and have an impact on neurochemicals, altering cognitive functioning. I bridged these learned facts with lived experiences, which leads back to my main point: Mindfulness, to me, is found in breath.
Broadening Breath
As such, mindfulness can be used in all areas of life. I incorporate rituals of breathing in my work as a therapist. I utilize ACT modality, in which mindfulness is central. I incorporate a practice of mindful breathing with clients to allow space between thought and action, which helps them respond more intentionally to stressors.
I use deep breathing exercises to transition to home. Taking slow deep breaths to connect in the moment allows the work day to dissolve, and I refocus on the next part of my day. I must honor separation of work and home. As a professional and a human, I must create space for both.
During COVID-19, mindfulness has been a game changer for me. Mindfulness facilitates intentional living. When I moved to online, working only from home, I had to be intentional with my time and space. Breathing is a way for me to decompress between clients, adjust for technical issues, and release my anxiety during this uncertain time. Breathing allows me to be in the moment. Mindfulness involves slowing ourselves down and being purposeful with next actions. And it all begins with the breath.
I hope you’ll find your working definition and informed practices of mindfulness in your life.
Reference
Lay, K. (2016). Mindfulness. In E. Grise-Owens, J. Miller, & M. Eaves (Eds.). The A-to-Z self-care handbook for social workers and other helping professionals (pp. 80-84). The New Social Worker Press.
Mary Waling, LCSW, is in private practice in Indianapolis, IN. During COVID-19, she has also garnered temporary licensure in Illinois to provide support. She spends her spare time with her family and friends and enjoys traveling, disc golf, and creating mindful memories.