Self-Care A-Z: Self-Care Can Be Needed Most When You Least Expect It

by Corrina Holmes, BSW

     I’m a frontline child protection worker with two years in social work. Early this year, my family and I were doing well—coping better than I’d have imagined, during a pandemic.

And, Then…

     My mental health began to plummet, starting a process that took months to reach its lowest point. The catalyst was a series of complex and traumatic cases, lack of support, and believing I should handle it all. I rode that downward spiral for two months before determining I couldn’t continue on that path. It was time for drastic changes. I took a leave of absence to focus on my mental health. Ultimately, I decided to leave that job.

     As helpers, we often believe our needs are less important than those of the people we serve and those we love. I challenge us to find comfort and clarity in our humanity, which requires reconciling that we’re not immune to compassion fatigue/secondary trauma. Nor are we less of a badass social worker for admitting it.

In Solidarity, Here’s What I’m Learning

     No one really has their stuff together these days. Social media, occasional phone calls, or text messages don’t portray the raw and real experiences. Everyone has endured some amount of tragedy during this time.  

      Don’t allow your employer (or anyone else!) to determine your value. You have inherent worth. (Check the Code of Ethics.) You’re doing the best you can with what you have. Child welfare was my focus from my start in social work. Leaving my job was the hardest decision I’ve ever made. My values and the agency’s values aligned on paper, but not in reality. I’m unable to reconcile this dissonance. 

     You can’t always trust in the process. But that doesn’t mean you can’t expect others to do their part. As professionals, there are ways to hold ourselves and others accountable. Do that. Know the policies. Follow the process. Get the support you need. As Glennon Doyle says, “We can do hard things” and have difficult conversations. 

     Be kind and do the right thing because it’s right, despite how hard it might be. This one should be common sense. But serving vulnerable populations means we’re meeting people at times who aren’t likely highlights in their narratives. Have grace for them and ourselves. 

     Self-care is non-negotiable, no matter who you are or where you are in your journey. As a social worker serving vulnerable populations; wife and mother to three, including a special needs child; and my family’s primary financial provider, I know the struggle of "finding time" for me. You'll never "find" time. If you don’t make time, the time will come when you have to take care of yourself. And, if we don’t practice self-care, we can’t care for others.

     It’s okay to not be okay; but, don't expect anyone else to make you okay. Countless times, I’ve cried to my therapist about how broken I feel. She’s a phenomenal therapist. So, why am I not okay? Where’s her unicorn magic? She sprinkles her social-worky awesomeness, planting seeds of self-forgiveness, reflection, and courage. But I have to do the hard work. We all do. 

     You won't always be able to meet your needs, despite how simple you think it should be. Recently, I didn't wash my hair for four days. I managed a quick shower. The depressive monkey on my back decided that was sufficient. Sometimes our deepest need is to be okay with good enough.

     Depression and anxiety suck. We took classes about these topics. But, in many ways, the education doesn't make it easier to deal with one’s own experience. If you haven’t personally struggled with mental health diagnoses, you likely know people who have. Check on them. 

     Giving up is NOT an option; no matter how peaceful it sounds. If you find yourself in a place where you’ve reached what you believe is your capacity for life, read that again. And again. The world is such a better place with you in it! 

     This list is exhausting. Take it at your own pace. Mainly, I just want to remind you (and me) that we’re inherently worthy of self-care. Thank you for your service, values, commitment to the social work profession, and for taking care of YOU.  

Corrina Holmes obtained her BSW at Western Kentucky University and is a graduate of the Public Child Welfare Certification Program. Corrina has worked for two years as a social service worker for the Department of Community Based Services, Division Protection and Permanency (CPS) in Kentucky, where she has provided ongoing and assessment services for families.