Self-Care A-Z: Dolly Parton’s Self-Care Sparkles—Happy Dolly-Days, Y’all

by Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, lead co-editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals 

     Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock—granted, understandable, these days—you know that Super-Spreader of Goodness, Dolly Parton, donned her magic wig, 9-to-5 stilettos, and coat-of-many-colors to rescue us. During COVID, the inestimable Dolly declared: I’ll write a song-storybook; do an album, movie, online performances; use my platform/privilege for good. #BLM—“Do you think our little white asses are the only ones that matter?” And, heck, while I’m at it, fund a vaccine for this deadly virus.

Self-Care Dolly-Gems

     Dolly simply sparkles. And, we could all use some self-care sparkle now. In that spirit, here are select wise Dolly-gems to spark self-care.

• “Find out who you are and do it on purpose.”
• “Don’t get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.”
• “You can be rich in spirit, kindness, love, and all those things that you can’t put a dollar sign on.”

     Dolly emits a grounded, authentic sense of self, which allows her to accept others and fully express herself. In a Country Zen way, her passion and purpose integrate a career, contributing to the world, and simply living her life. In a delightful interview on Brené Brown’s Unlocking Us podcast, Brené asks Dolly what people often get wrong about her. Dolly immediately explains that she’s actually a quiet, reflective person. She elaborates that a religious/spiritual center is essential for her creativity, contentment, and contribution. Such attention to reflection and contemplation promotes a grounded self. These are often neglected aspects of self-care.

• “Energy begets energy.”
•  “I never feel like a failure just because something I tried didn’t work out.”
• “If you don’t like the road you’re walking, start paving another one.” 

     Dolly epitomizes grit. She exudes gratitude, which leads to generosity.  She sees her life as opportunity to express her gifts—and the returns from them—and share them, not hoard and compete. She expects “failure” to help her grow. This gritty, growth mindset of generosity is a wonderful self-care approach.

• “I don’t kiss nobody’s butt.”
•  “I just don’t feel like I have to explain myself.”
• “I know how to say No.”

     Brené explicitly asked Dolly about boundaries. They had an engaging discussion about the importance of clear, consistent boundaries—especially when promoting kindness and compassion. Understanding of boundaries as part of a full, balanced life, is key in self-care.

• “If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.”
•  “Storms make trees take deeper roots.”
•  “We cannot control the wind, but we can adjust the sails.”

     In her songs and interviews, Dolly expresses the fullest range of human emotions and experiences. Her compassion is embedded in her sense of connection. Dolly repeatedly says, “We must not look away from pain and grief.” In talking about difficulties, such as her complicated relationship with Porter Waggoner, for instance, Dolly advises, “Forgiveness is everything.” Acceptance of, attention to, and expression of our full humanity epitomizes self-care.

• “I know some of the best Dolly Parton jokes. I made ‘em up myself.”
•  “I walk tall. I got a tall attitude.”
• “I’m comfortable in my own skin, no matter how far it’s stretched. Ha. Ha.”

      Her ability to evoke laughter and be playful is a defining characteristic of Dolly.  Expressed in her persona—the way she dresses, presents, and so forth—it’s also in her humility balanced with self-assurance. Whilst particular aspects of Dolly’s personality, these are also ways to practice self-care, by not taking ourselves quite so seriously and savoring joy.

‘Tis the Season

     December is “holiday season.” Even if not celebrating it, personally, cultural spaces are replete with Christmas tidings and traditions. Hannukah and Kwanzaa are meaningful holidays for many. Various other traditions, such as Boxing Day and Yule, bring seasonal meaning. For several years, my partner and I have celebrated the Icelandic tradition of Jolabokaflod, cozily savoring a delicious book and chocolate. We highly recommend it, especially during this Celebrate-at-Home Season.

     In “normal” times, holidays can be stressful; 2020 is uniquely strange and stressful. For our self-care and world peace, let Dolly-gems inspire. Get grounded at home. Embrace the gift of full life, which includes disappointments of deferred hopes and griefs of devastating losses. Celebrate reflectively, gratefully, generously. In sparkly self-care spirit, Happy Dolly-Days, Y’all!

Peace, Love, and Self-Care,

Erlene

Dr. Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, is a Partner in The Wellness Group, ETC.  This LLC provides evaluation, training, and consultation for organizational wellness and practitioner well-being. Dr. Grise-Owens is lead editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals.  As a former faculty member and graduate program director, she and a small (but mighty!) group of colleagues implemented an initiative to promote self-care as part of the social work education curriculum. Previously, she served in clinical and administrative roles. She has experience with navigating toxicity and dysfunction, up-close and personal! Likewise, as an educator, she saw students enter the field and quickly burn out. As a dedicated social worker, she believes the well-being of practitioners is a matter of social justice and human rights. Thus, she is on a mission to promote self-care and wellness!