Self-Care A-Z: Energy Vampires, Energy Infusers, & Self-Care

by Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, lead co-editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals 

     Human interchanges impact self-care. We all know how “Energy Vampires” can affect us. And, I intentionally (and gratefully!) nurture what I call “Energy Infusers.” Self-care involves minimizing the vampires and maximizing the infusers.

Comparison of Vampires and Infusers

     Over several months, I’ve chatted with various folks about this topic. This chart summarizes what I’ve gleaned in a compare and contrast of Vampires and Infusers.

     We often assume that energy vampires are always negative. In contrast, infusers would always be positive. Actually, oftentimes vampires are relentlessly “positive.” Vampires are often conflict avoidant. So much energy is spent denying conflict, it’s exhausting—and oftentimes exacerbates harm! Also, vampires love getting into all the “feels”—especially, personalizing experiences—which distracts from problematic behaviors and accountability. Vampires often resort to bullying (or bullying by proxy).

     Energy infusers emit essential elements into the air, with positive effects in the environment. Vampires suck the air out of spaces—creating havoc, dysfunction, toxicity.

Minimizing Vampire Effects

     When you know you’re going to be encountering vampires, plan an infusion ASAP. For instance, at a workplace where I encountered vampires at staff meetings, I scheduled a yoga class immediately afterward. This class refueled my mind-body-spirit. You can further dilute the impact by having a positive association. For instance, I began to tolerate these meetings a bit more because I associated them with my yoga class. Similarly, have antidotes that offset the effects. For instance, a colleague, “Sara,” had a vampire-supervisor who constantly berated staff. When her supervisor began ranting, Sara silently repeated the mantra “Return to Sender.” Instead of internalizing the vampire’s negativity and, thus, sapping her spirit, Sara neutralized it.

     We often view encounters and interchanges with vampires as inevitable: That supervisor we “have” to deal with; that relative we “have” to see. Like most areas of self-care, minimizing vampires requires being vigilant and intentional.  Start with small changes. For instance, in one workplace, I began taking the steps rather than encounter the vampire whose office was immediately outside the elevator. (Self-care win-win: More steps & avoid vampire.)

     No judgments: Don’t waste energy on judging “good people” vs. “bad people” or feeling badly about your assessments. As Maya Angelou advised: “Know who people are.”  Just know. And, remember, it’s not your job to “fix” them. Take your power back: Set boundaries; lessen your interactions.

     Emphatically, holding people accountable for harm does not require that we be vampired! Actually, reclaiming our energy from vampires sustains our justice efforts.

Maximizing Infuser Energy

     Like most positive elements of self-care, we tend to assume that infusers will be there “when we really need them.” We take them for granted or just don’t stop to critically consider who’s who in our spheres. The infusers are often—unconsciously—viewed as our emergency antidotes, as contrasted with our daily diet.

     Usually, we spend so much time and energy dealing with vampires that we neglect infusers. The parallel to minimizing vampires’ effects is maximizing infusers’ energy—to paraphrase the ancient “tale of two wolves”: In life, we encounter vampires and infusers. Be sure you’re starving the vampires and feeding the infusers.

     Allow space for infusers! Happily, setting boundaries opens space for connecting with infusers. Take a moment to specifically identify three people in your life who are infusers. Let them know, and intentionally commit to having more time with them. Plan it, prioritize it, feed it. Begone, Vampires! Welcome, Infusers!

Peace, Love, & Self-Care, Erlene

Dr. Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, is a Partner in The Wellness Group, ETC.  This LLC provides evaluation, training, and consultation for organizational wellness and practitioner well-being. Dr. Grise-Owens is lead editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals.  As a former faculty member and graduate program director, she and a small (but mighty!) group of colleagues implemented an initiative to promote self-care as part of the social work education curriculum. Previously, she served in clinical and administrative roles. She has experience with navigating toxicity and dysfunction, up-close and personal! Likewise, as an educator, she saw students enter the field and quickly burn out. As a dedicated social worker, she believes the well-being of practitioners is a matter of social justice and human rights. Thus, she is on a mission to promote self-care and wellness!

For more on self-care for social workers, see The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals.