Self-Care A-to-Z: Fired Up to Spark Self-Care
by Erlene Grise-Owens, Ed.D., LCSW, LMFT, MSW, MRE, lead co-editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals
On November 11, 2016, I was fired from a tenured, full professor position at the university where I had served for almost two decades. In a blog discussing real-life struggles, successes, and strategies of self-care, to ignore my firing seems inauthentic. Recently, my firing became public, through media coverage and the American Association of University Professors’ (AAUP’s) comprehensive and censuring investigative report (see https://www.aaup.org/file/Spalding.pdf).
An early mentor, Dr. C. Anne Davis, founding dean of the Carver School of Social Work pronounced: “If you are not fired at least once in your career as a social worker, you’re probably not doing your job.” I follow in the “fire-y” footsteps of Anne and others like her. Here are three sparks of self-care (illuminated by fire-y quotes) that enlightened me through the circumstances culminating in the firing. They sustain me still.
Spark #1: Prioritize Basics of Self-Care
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare.” Audre Lorde
Obviously, my firing did not happen in a calm context! Amidst long-standing stress, I remained (relatively!) professionally productive, spiritually grounded, and personally healthy because I increasingly invested in adept self-care. Although I certainly struggle, I radically prioritize the basics of physical care, spiritual reflection, emotional connection, professional development, and play! When feeling particularly stressed, I prioritize concrete self-care: Go for a walk; take deep breaths; call a friend; do yoga; journal; play with my “grands”; sleep! (Note: A clear conscience helps with sleep.)
Spark #2: Know Your Values and Live Them Daily
“You never know when a situation will present itself in which you will have to decide who you are and what you stand for.” Sally Yates
Morals are like muscles. We cannot expect to have them in a crisis if we don’t develop them consistently. My core values include:
(a) Be authentic, which includes zero tolerance for secrets and lies. (Boundaries and confidentiality are healthy; transparency and truth are too!s.)
(b) Pursue social justice and peace—first and foremost.
(c) Be driven by principles and passion, not position or place.
(d) Don’t compromise character for ambition or reputation.
“Katie,” a member of my Board of Trustees (see #3 below), who teaches at a different university, recently relayed this scenario. Katie’s student, “Shameka,” came to her about “Bob,” at her practicum, who was making inappropriate sexual overtures. Shameka asserted that she didn’t want to report Bob, because Bob could prevent Shameka from getting a job at this organization after she graduated. After conversing empathically, Katie told Shameka, “I’m going to ask you a crass, but important question: Would you do a sexual favor for career advancement?” Startled, Shameka said, “NO!” Katie asked Shameka this startling question to convey that unethical compromises do not happen suddenly. Katie emphasized the need for ethical practitioners to understand the dangers inherent to the slippery slope of compromising values.
Over the years, I have seen “good people” succumb to unethical compromises. Neglecting self-care, they slide down a slippery slope. They convince themselves the secret or lie they are participating in is necessary or neutral. They compartmentalize. They rationalize that the wrong being done is not their concern. Or, they are in such dire straits, financially or otherwise, that they make compromised choices. Oftentimes, this slippery slope is aided by peers; “good” people will do bad things under peer pressure!
Spark #3: Have a “Board of Trustees”
“Do the right thing. You will be criticized anyway.” Eleanor Roosevelt
While, ultimately, we live our values individually, a support network is central to good self-care. Brené Brown emphasizes that one will have detractors and “haters.” These people show who they are. Believe them, when they show it! Brené Brown advises carrying a short list, on a small sticky note, of those whose opinions really matter. Consulting this list helps one be authentic and stay true to core principles.
I call this list my Board of Trustees (BOT). This group shows me I can TRUST them to tell me the truth, know who I am, have my back, and love me in good and bad times. Central in my self-care is this circle of courageous and caring colleagues and dear ones beside me, and at times, in front of me, in this difficult crisis. (And, a good lawyer helps.) Notably, my BOT chair is my steadfast and stellar life-partner of 33 years, Dr. Larry W. Owens, who is also a social worker.
My BOT sustains me. And, I am deeply grateful for other dear ones, colleagues (including students and alumni), and even strangers who show support. I sincerely hope that my fired-up sparks will show up for others. As we “do our jobs,” we traverse toxicity and encounter ethical choices—which may lead to firing. In these circumstances, may we have clear, consistent values and courageous, caring BOTs! And, let’s be radically fired up about self-care!
Peace, Love, and Self-Care,
Erlene
Dr. Erlene Grise-Owens, Ed.D., LCSW, LMFT, MSW, MRE is a Partner in The Wellness Group, ETC. This LLC provides evaluation, training, and consultation for organizational wellness and practitioner well-being. Dr. Grise-Owens is lead editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals. As a former faculty member and graduate program director, she and a small (but mighty!) group of colleagues implemented an initiative to promote self-care as part of the social work education curriculum. Previously, she served in clinical and administrative roles. She has experience with navigating toxicity and dysfunction, up-close and personal! Likewise, as an educator, she saw students enter the field and quickly burn out. As a dedicated social worker, she believes the well-being of practitioners is a matter of social justice and human rights. Thus, she is on a mission to promote self-care and wellness!