Self-Care A-Z—Getting Fired, Letting Go, Allowing Space: Re-Storying Self-Care
by Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, lead co-editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals
Anniversaries of significant events offer an opportunity to reflect. Five years ago, I was fired from a tenured, full faculty position at a university where I’d served for two decades. I loved my job, in many ways. I’d invested significantly in building an MSW program, and I was productive and passionate about social work education.
Yet, getting fired was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Investment in self-care is a significant factor in that being the case.
In this post, I share self-care insights from this 5-year anniversary reflection. I hope this reflection may inform and reinforce others’ self-care.
Getting Fired & Letting Go
On 11/11/16 at 11:00 a.m., two (untenured) colleagues and I met with the University’s Faculty Senate regarding ongoing, interrelated concerns about systemic racism, toxic climate, and basic safety. My colleagues were, in some ways, more directly impacted by these concerns—especially as women of color—and were primary spokespersons in this meeting. However, I had a particular role in pursuing these concerns, in part because of the (perceived) protection of my full, tenured status. I deeply believe such status comes with responsibilities to advocate.
That same afternoon, I received a registered letter conveying that I was fired—with no rationale given and no process followed. The American Association of University Professors’ (AAUP) subsequent investigation, which resulted in censure of the University, details the story. (Read report here.)
This abrupt, unjust firing evoked many emotions. But, my immediate, overwhelming feeling was relief. The university’s toxic quagmire was becoming increasingly challenging. I’d already begun grieving the loss of my deep commitment and meaningful connections. I was coming to terms with the untenable value incongruence. Grief for such losses is a critical aspect of healing self-care.
In many respects, the aftermath of my firing involved letting go. (Like so many are experiencing, the pandemic is certainly underscoring my process.)
Allowing Space
In multi-faceted ways, this letting go iteratively leads to opening space. I’m still struggling—in a good way—to understand this “space” thing. For instance, initially, I captioned this section “making space.” But, then, I realized that space already is. We just need to allow for it. Allowing space is a meaning-full aspect of self-care.
But, it’s definitely counter-culture. Immersed in a consumeristic mindset and frenetic pace, we don’t question how a full life equals overextended calendars, unceasing acquisition, and constant action. In that framing, full means filling spaces with “more, more, more,” rather than allowing space for “meaningful, meaningful, meaning-full.”
Being fired and letting go opens up space for new meanings. It invites me to be (re)fired. It allows me to re-invent some valued roles—such as mentoring. Seeing my extended engagement in that role, my partner recently dubbed me a “mentor-at-large.” Re-firement allows me to invest more fully and focused on my mission to promote practitioner well-being. It allows me to fulfill a passion for writing. And, yet, I still feel pressure to fill my calendar, commitments, and consciousness with the “shoulds” of “important” requests and “urgent” demands.
Re-Story-ing
My 2021 Word of the Year is “Story.”
So, here’s a (re)story. In my previous role, a basket stuffed with a bunch of stuffed pelicans (the university symbol) held a prominent place in my office. For myriad reasons and many years, this basket of pelicans held significance and symbolism. After my firing, the university packed up my office. As a coping measure, I had the boxes deposited in our garage—rather than brought into our house. In KonMari fashion, I quickly divested of most items. Yet, the basket of pelicans hung around: A lingering melancholy memento.
Sometimes, self-care is recognizing that being propelled into open space is fully freeing. Recently, I set the pelicans free. Initially, I was going to divest of the basket, too. Instead, I kept the basket as a cue to welcome the spaces: Not to be filled; rather, celebrated. Not as emptiness; rather, openness. Placed where I have routine reflection rituals, the basket reminds that releasing constrictions invites opportunities.
Letting go opens space. How might you allow space—personally, professionally, humanly? Don’t rush to fill space. Rather, seek it; allow it. May we connect in open spaces of self-care.
Peace, Love, & Self-Care, Erlene
Dr. Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, is a Partner in The Wellness Group, ETC. This LLC provides evaluation, training, and consultation for organizational wellness and practitioner well-being. Dr. Grise-Owens is lead editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals. As a former faculty member and graduate program director, she and a small (but mighty!) group of colleagues implemented an initiative to promote self-care as part of the social work education curriculum. Previously, she served in clinical and administrative roles. She has experience with navigating toxicity and dysfunction, up-close and personal! Likewise, as an educator, she saw students enter the field and quickly burn out. As a dedicated social worker, she believes the well-being of practitioners is a matter of social justice and human rights. Thus, she is on a mission to promote self-care and wellness!