Self-Care A-to-Z: Reclaiming My Joy - Dancing in the Midst of the Furnace
by Crystal N. Dunivant, MSW, LSW
My quest for healing started at the end of 2019, which seems a lifetime ago. Do you remember what you were doing? I was busy, but excited about all the new opportunities presented to me.
One late afternoon, I came home and I felt like something wasn’t quite right in my house. Then, I realized it was because I was home, and the sun was still shining. I rarely came home before late evening. A couple days later, in an early morning rush, I left the garage door open. Again.
Slowing Down
These and other signs made me admit: I was tired. I committed to slow down, dig in, and take better care of myself. I said no to teaching Spring 2020 semester. I love teaching. But, I became bound to my slowing down journey. I began coming straight home after work. Soon, I was enjoying my own space more than I had in years.
Never would I have thought that this self-care was practice for a global pandemic. I don’t believe everything happens for a reason. I’m a lot of things, but not psychic. I wish I could pretend my practice made for an easy transition for 2020’s crises. But, that’s not true. However, the commitment was there.
This process is fluid. Some days, I get it right; many days I miss the mark. But, every day, I get up with the goal to take care of myself.
Reclaiming Self-Care
Some people struggle with the term “self-care.” I use the term because it keeps me in front of myself. It centers me when the world continues spinning out of control.
Please understand: No one talked to me about taking care of myself in a deep and meaningful way. The focus was always on the community—as, in many ways, it should be. But, there was a huge gap, in which attention to my own care was lost.
Some argue that “self-care” has been co-opted. But, I ask, what has not? As a Black woman, the oppressors have tried to take everything, including our language and culture. So, we must reclaim self-care as liberatory practice.
Regarding community, many of us are taking care of our communities even in our sleep. Here’s the thing: I’m more protective of my community care than my own person. I keep the work of the community close; it’s always been priority. My struggle has consistently been the ability to take care of myself.
Dancing with Joy
My intentional self-care practice birthed something I wasn’t quite ready for. Joy! I’ve found joy again. This feeling had escaped me for weeks, even months, at a time. I felt the emotion (re)emerging before I could articulate it with words.
Then, I listened to activist Darnell Moore’s interview on the podcast, The Stacks. Moore’s memoir is No Ashes in the Fire: Coming of Age Black and Free in America. Like Moore, I’m a reformed church kid, which made his words especially resonate with me. Moore spoke of forgiveness, abolition, and imagining a different world. But, I was riveted as he talked about the importance of Black joy and dancing in the midst of the furnace. This metaphor references both a pivotal event of Moore’s childhood when bullies attempted to burn him alive (hence, his book title) and a biblical story of three Hebrew youth who survive being thrown into a furnace by a despot. Moore offers both as stories of choosing joy as resistance.
To clarify, I’m realistic. I don’t have the privilege to live in a world where pain doesn’t exist. Another police shooting will happen; another Black person will die while giving birth; I will sit in another meeting and have my concerns dismissed. The work isn’t new. What I’ve learned is that, to sustain the work, I must sustain myself.
My hope ebbs and flows, but I will always try to be honest. I don’t pretend to know what 2021 holds. Yet, assuredly, I’ll continue committing to my healing journey and finding joy in the midst of the “furnace.”
You may use a different metaphor, but I hope you’ll join me. Amidst the circumstances that threaten to burn us out, choose self-care. Dance with joy.
Crystal N. Dunivant, MSW, LSW, loves social work but believes it is time to reimagine what social work will look like in the future. Crystal completed her undergraduate and graduate studies at The University of Akron. She started her social work career in child welfare. She then quickly transitioned into the field of mental health. She is passionate about addressing the intersections of Black lives and mental wellness. Crystal spent more than 10 years in an outpatient health setting. Her longest role was as Training Manager serving as a mentor, coach, teacher, and advisor to staff and social work students alike. Crystal has several years’ experience as an Assistant Lecturer and Field Liaison at her alma mater, The University of Akron. Crystal is a member of the National Association of Social Workers and currently serves as President for NASW Ohio Chapter Board of Directors. Crystal loves all things family, which includes her chosen family of close friends and partner. They bring her much joy. You can often find Crystal dancing, reading, and resting just as the ancestors intended.