Self-Care A-Z: Revising “The Giving Tree” and Other Stories, Self-Care Style

by Erlene Grise-Owens, Ed.D., LCSW, MSW, MRE, lead co-editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals 

     Stories are the most ancient way of knowing and connecting. As humans, we tell stories to remember the past, understand the present, and influence the future. The stories we tell ourselves affect how we see our world, our roles, our relationships, our selves—and, yes, our self-care!

Re-Storying

     “Re-storying” is an aspect of the narrative approach that I’ve appreciated for many years. I try to apply re-storying, both personally and professionally. I advocate for and practice re-writing stories…even those I’ve loved for many years.

     Below, I share an example and invite you to share in re-storying, as self-care. I’m a long-standing fan of Shel Silverstein’s writings. His sardonic humor and pithy wit appeal to me. And, like many others, I loved The Giving Tree for its simple story of “self-sacrificial” giving. The Giving Tree is widely-circulated. If it isn’t familiar or you want to review it, most libraries have it. Or, you can find it online.

     Notably, the “tree” is a she, who gives so self-sacrificially to support and gain the love of the male protagonist that she ends up being a stump he uses as a chair:  Hmmm…one of many meta-messages!

     The “Giving Tree” story has particular implications for helping professionals. This “giving our all” is a storyline often repeated in our line of work.

     After years of self-care, I’ve re-storied that darn Giving Tree! So, sit back for Re-story Time, Self-Care Style.

The Giving Tree—Revised

Part 1

“Once there was a tree…

and she loved [all her clients].

And [they] would come and gather her leaves…

and make them into crowns [of self-worth]…

[They] would climb up her trunk and swing from her branches

and eat apples [of knowledge].

And, they would play hide-and-go-seek [and find insight].

And, when tired, [they] would sleep

in her shade [of compassion]…

And, the tree was happy.”

Part 2

“But time went by…”

And, the [clients and her work] began

making unreasonable demands of the tree, to prove her worth.

At first, it was just her apples,

Which she gave freely.

But, then they demanded her branches,

And her trunk…

Which she suddenly realized

Would leave her completely sapped and a mere stump.

And, the tree was not happy!

Part 3

So, she started practicing self-care.

She dug deep into her roots.

She started setting appropriate boundaries.

She watered and fertilized her soil (organically, with compassion, of course).

She talked to other trees for support and advocated for change in the orchard.

She understood that by staying rooted, protecting her branches, and loving her trunk,

She would be able to provide more apples and shade

For many years to come.

And, so she did.

And, she lived sappily, happily, and proactively (albeit with stressors, struggles, and setbacks) ever after.

What Are Your Stories?

     What “stories” have an impact on you personally? Professionally? What stories do you need to re-write? How can/has/will a storyline of self-care change your life-story? What new stories do we need to tell in the helping professions? 

Dr. Erlene Grise-Owens, Ed.D., LCSW, MSW, MRE, is a Partner in The Wellness Group, ETC.  This LLC provides evaluation, training, and consultation for organizational wellness and practitioner well-being. Dr. Grise-Owens is lead editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals.  As a former faculty member and graduate program director, she and a small (but mighty!) group of colleagues implemented an initiative to promote self-care as part of the social work education curriculum. Previously, she served in clinical and administrative roles. She has experience with navigating toxicity and dysfunction, up-close and personal! Likewise, as an educator, she saw students enter the field and quickly burn out. As a dedicated social worker, she believes the well-being of practitioners is a matter of social justice and human rights. Thus, she is on a mission to promote self-care and wellness!