Self-Care A-Z: Now, Let’s Address the Myth of “I’ll do self-care when…”
by Erlene Grise-Owens, Ed.D., LCSW, MSW, MRE, lead co-editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals
A common myth that negatively affects self-care is the belief that an ideal time for self-care will occur in the future. Frequently, we fall into this “future orientation” about self-care. Let’s address this detrimental barrier, NOW!
Identify the Myth
Finish this sentence: I will practice self-care when…? Intentional awareness helps us deal with the myth.
“Nikki” said she’d practice self-care when she finished an intense 6-month project. Some say they will practice self-care after completing a degree. For others, it’s “when the kids are older” or another life phase. For many, it’s “when the organization changes” or “when my supervisor quits making me work overtime.” For some, it may even be “next week, when I’m not dealing with this crisis.”
Start Today
Certainly, some circumstances may be more conducive for optimal self-care. However, NOW is the best time for self-care. As I reminded Nikki, we need to be even more vigilant about self-care during particularly busy and stressful times. So, commit to self-care today. Remember! Because self-care is an ongoing struggle, you will do it imperfectly.
Use a Strengths Approach
Oftentimes, all-or-nothing thinking accompanies the future orientation myth. We fall into the trap of thinking if we aren’t executing a perfect self-care plan, we’re “failing” at self-care. However, self-care is a process, not perfection; a journey, not a destination.
A strengths approach is a good way to offset this negative thinking. I reminded Nikki that she was practicing some forms of self-care. Amidst this stressful time, she continued jogging, having regular dates with her partner, saying “No” to some requests, and conferring with trusted confidantes.
Be SMART-er
As colleagues and I emphasize in our book and other self-care resources, successful self-care requires a SMART plan: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-limited. Focus on what’s SMART for you NOW. SMART today and you’ll be even SMART-er for the future.
In addition to the strengths assessment, identify things you’ve done previously or that you imagine doing in the future, which you could (re)-incorporate Now. Go back to self-care basics. A good assessment question is: What are first indications that you’re slacking on self-care? For Nikki, it’s inadequate sleep and over-committing. So, her Now, basic SMART self-care plan prioritizes sleep and setting a moratorium on additional obligations.
Enlist Support
Self-care isn’t a solo endeavor. Enlist accountability partners, trusted colleagues, and/or critical friends to support your Now self-care. Use social media, myriad apps, group supports, calendar reminders. A resource guide can help—such as our book and other materials— with a self-care re-set. I’m doing Gretchen Rubin’s challenge to use Labor Day as a catalyst to reflect on my work. Use whatever helps you do self-care, Now!
Set Aside Time to Reflect
Reflect on the previous strategies. Go through each step a few minutes daily for a few days or in a block of set-aside time. Reflect alone or in conversation with your accountability system. Just start Now!
Let’s say it together! What do we want? Self-Care! When do we do it? NOW!
Peace, Love, & Self-Care, Erlene
Dr. Erlene Grise-Owens, Ed.D., LCSW, MSW, MRE is a Partner in The Wellness Group, ETC. This LLC provides evaluation, training, and consultation for organizational wellness and practitioner well-being. Dr. Grise-Owens is lead editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals. As a former faculty member and graduate program director, she and a small (but mighty!) group of colleagues implemented an initiative to promote self-care as part of the social work education curriculum. Previously, she served in clinical and administrative roles. She has experience with navigating toxicity and dysfunction, up-close and personal! Likewise, as an educator, she saw students enter the field and quickly burn out. As a dedicated social worker, she believes the well-being of practitioners is a matter of social justice and human rights. Thus, she is on a mission to promote self-care and wellness!