Self-Compassion as the Heart of Self-Care
by Erlene Grise-Owens, Ed.D., LCSW, MSW, MRE, and Justin “Jay” Miller, Ph.D., MSW, CSW
Elisa Kawam’s recent blog post discussed Truth as the Soul of self-care.
Celebrating Valentine’s Day, let’s talk about what may very well be the Heart of self-care: Self-compassion.
Getting to the Heart of the Matter
In the Awareness entry of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals, Eileen Krueger emphasizes self-compassion as integral to self-care. Recent research documents a compelling link between one’s self-compassion and one’s level of self-care. Specifically, in a survey of more than 2,000 social workers, self-compassion proved to be a clear predictor of self-care.*
While largely unexplored in professional literature, this connection makes sense! Self-compassion is generally defined as having an attitude of kindness and consideration toward oneself. Self-care is essentially the actions and approaches that embody being kind and considerate to oneself.
Take Heart: Self-Compassion and Self-Care
Dr. Kristen Neff is a leading expert on self-compassion. Neff (2011) crystallizes self-compassion as “simply accepting ourselves with an open heart” (p. 6). She delineates three core components of self-compassion: (a) self-kindness vs. self-judgment, (b) common humanity vs. Isolation, and (c) mindfulness vs. over-identification. That is, self-compassion involves replacing our normative tendency to be self-critical and judgmental with being gentle and understanding toward ourselves. Also, self-compassion involves active reflection on one’s connection with others through our shared human experience—as contrasted with feeling isolated and alienated. And, finally, self-compassion involves mindful attentiveness to our experiences. In particular, we acknowledge pain and suffering as part of the human experience, along with joy and goodness. Neff explains these concepts in this brief video.
Neff (2011) reports on preliminary research (pp.192-193) that suggests caregivers trained in self-compassion are less likely to experience compassion fatigue. Furthermore, they are more likely to experience greater “compassion satisfaction”—i.e., feeling energized and content in their work. Neff contends that they are more likely to engage in concrete acts of self-care, such as taking time off, eating well, and getting adequate sleep. And, those with high self-compassion scores are more likely to exhibit compassion toward others.
Neff and colleagues have developed numerous exercises and resources on how to engage in self-compassion. Take Neff’s brief self-compassion scale for a baseline understanding of your level of self-compassion. Use her site and other resources to learn how to deepen your self-compassion. Here is the link to Neff’s organization: http://self-compassion.org/
Be YOUR Valentine
Make learning about and developing self-compassion part of your self-care plan. Self-compassion fosters an attitude of kindness and is lived out through our actions of kindness—toward ourselves. Prioritizing self-care commitments is a concrete embodiment of one’s self-compassion.
So, take this Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to commit to be YOUR own Valentine. Give yourself the heart of self-care! Self-compassion lasts longer than the most expensive dinner, delicious chocolates, or beautiful bouquet. And, in practicing self-compassion, you can have those, too, if you want!
Join us March 21, 2018, for a Webinar Wellshop™, hosted by The New Social Worker, on the Foundations and Fundamentals of Self-Care.
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* Dr. Jay Miller is spearheading research on self-care among individuals in helping professions. He is conducting the first known research that explicitly examines the complex relationships between self-compassion and self-care.
References
Neff, K. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. New York, NY:
HarperCollins.
Grise-Owens, E., Miller, J., & Eaves, M. (2016). The A-to-Z self-care handbook for social
workers and other helping professionals. Harrisburg, PA: The New Social Worker Press.
Dr. Erlene Grise-Owens, Ed.D., LCSW, MSW, MRE is a Partner in The Wellness Group, ETC. This LLC provides evaluation, training, and consultation for organizational wellness and practitioner well-being. Dr. Grise-Owens is lead editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals. As a former faculty member and graduate program director, she and a small (but mighty!) group of colleagues implemented an initiative to promote self-care as part of the social work education curriculum. She is on a mission to promote self-care and wellness!
Justin “Jay” Miller, Ph.D., MSW, CSW, is an Assistant Professor in the College of Social Work at the University of Kentucky. Jay has previously worked as a social worker at the Cabinet for Health and Family Services, Louisville’s Crimes Against Children Unit, and the Ireland Army Hospital at Fort Knox. Jay was a Cohort Two Doris Duke Fellow (Doris Duke Foundation and Chapin Hall at the University of Chicago) and earned his Ph.D. at the University of Louisville. Jay is co-editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals, published by The New Social Worker Press.