Self-Care A-Z: Aha! Self-Care Means Taking Care of My Self
by Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, lead co-editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals
September, designated as Self-Care Awareness Month, marks the four-year anniversary of this blog. In those four years, attention to self-care has grown. Yet, in some ways, this attention magnifies the need for even more serious consideration of self-care.
A recent interchange with “Nora,” a new professional, illustrates this need. Nora shared, “I’ve heard lots about self-care.” Then she confessed feeling confused and ambivalent about self-care. As she elaborated, I realized Nora was thinking of self-care in its commodified, superficial, simplistic frame. That is, “Buy this product. Be happy! Do this activity. Voila! Burnout prevented!”
I clarified that, actually, wholistic self-care means taking care of yourself! Nora paused, and said, “This may sound silly, but I just had a lightbulb aha! I’ve never thought of self-care as taking care of myself!” She excitedly explained how this aha! shifted her thinking.
Nora’s experience with self-care isn’t unusual. As previous posts explain, powerful forces (e.g., insidious consumerism and oppressive structures, such as racism and sexism) benefit from and persistently promote diminishment of self-care. No wonder we all fall into it at times. Let’s (re)consider the aha of self-care as taking care of oneself.
Debunking Simplistic Self-Care
The prevalent and persistent characterization of self-care is simplistic, which means “treating complex constructs as if they are much simpler than they really are.” Self-care is frequently framed as consumeristic, one-dimensional, privilege, and similar conceptualizations. Superficially, then, self-care is viewed as a singular activity (e.g., massage, vacation, exercise). This activity often involves a monetary purchase and/or “extra” time. Like all commodification, self-care is reduced to its most simplistic form. Consumerism entices with quick-fix, “feel good” self-care.
Typically, when people eschew self-care, they’re using that simplistic frame. The (needed!) critique of consumerism gets applied to all self-care. Routinely, I hear widely-respected professionals, valued colleagues, and personal connections dismiss self-care as “fluff.” Their (ironically uncritical) critique of “bubble-bath” self-care leads to throwing out the benefits of self-care with the “bathwater.” Sadly, many (especially helping professionals) get shamed into feeling selfish for taking care of ourselves!
Taking Care of the “ME” of “WE”
Similarly, the often-touted false dichotomy of attention to self versus engagement with community/collective is another prevalent dismissal of self-care. The message: It’s not “me.” It’s “we.” To clarify, significant aspects of well-being, individually and corporately, are interdependent. For instance, my self-care lifestyle includes balancing professional engagement, political activism, social connections, and personal relationships. Interdependence is integral to individual well-being and common good.
Self-care/well-being must be understood as influenced by contextual considerations. Family dynamics, systemic/structural forces, and community connections impact individuals and vice versa. Intersectional identities are embedded in broader contexts. Yet, self-care significantly influences how we interpret, navigate, and interact with these.
The uncritical “We not Me” dismissal of self-care ignores the fact that “Me” is an essential part of “We.” If the “Me” I bring to the “We” isn’t well cared for, it has deleterious effects. Many internalize that our purpose is to take care of humanity, without acknowledging that the “Me” of “We” is human, too. Lacking care for self, we can project unattended needs onto the work and others. Likewise, busy-ness and work demands can distract from an often-challenging connection to self.
Insidious messages convey that we must “earn” the right to take care of ourselves. We can only take care of ourselves when in desperate need, not by knowing what we want (joy, meaning, respect, rest) and giving that to ourselves. Operating out of “selfless” abnegation, rather than self-full abundance, sets up cycles of unrealistic expectations, shame/failure, and exhaustion.
Dismissing Self-Care Perpetuates (Self)-Abuse
Dismissal of self-care isn’t innocuous. It conveys a disdain for taking care of oneself. This dismissal is confusing, at minimum, and often shaming and harmful. Not taking care of oneself is human neglect and, unaddressed, becomes abuse of self.
Emphatically, toxic workplaces should be held accountable and oppressive structures addressed. Collective/community care and organizational wellness are desired aims. However, to accomplish those aims, the part of “We” that is “Me” must be cared for deeply and seriously.
This blog is a repository of resources and a forum of ongoing discussion of self-care successes, struggles, and strategies. Please, scroll through previous posts for myriad ways to support and deepen your self-care. Self-care: Taking care of myself. Aha!
Peace, Love, & Self-Care, Erlene
Dr. Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, is a Partner in The Wellness Group, ETC. This LLC provides evaluation, training, and consultation for organizational wellness and practitioner well-being. Dr. Grise-Owens is lead editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals. As a former faculty member and graduate program director, she and a small (but mighty!) group of colleagues implemented an initiative to promote self-care as part of the social work education curriculum. Previously, she served in clinical and administrative roles. She has experience with navigating toxicity and dysfunction, up-close and personal! Likewise, as an educator, she saw students enter the field and quickly burn out. As a dedicated social worker, she believes the well-being of practitioners is a matter of social justice and human rights. Thus, she is on a mission to promote self-care and wellness!
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