Self-Care A-Z: Be a Self-Care Winner and Quit!
by Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, lead co-editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals
I can’t quit thinking about quitting—how it’s vital for our well-being and why it’s so hard to do. Early in my career, critical incidents propelled me to contemplate the complexity of quitting, and I’ve continued to ponder its pivotal power. This post discusses the important role quitting has in self-care.
Quiet Quitting—Word!
Quiet quitting is making a lot of noise. This phenomenon—which, at core, involves setting boundaries about work expectations—is being vociferously discussed on platforms from TikTok to the Wall Street Journal. Unsurprisingly, this construct is interpreted differently depending on positionality. For instance, those who benefit from employees “giving their all” at work translate “quitting” more negatively than those who are (re)claiming quiet quitting as life balance.
Before the term “quiet quitting” became popular, the podcast “We Can Do Hard Things” did a thought-provoking episode on Quitting, which I highly recommend. Glennon Doyle pointed out that countless examples—such as how Simone Biles was criticized when she quit at the 2016 Olympics for her own well-being—convey the dominant messages of “winners never quit.” But, Glennon asserted that quitting is one of the “strongest and wisest” self-care choices and is “necessary for survival.”
Notably, Amanda Doyle shared the word quit has the root of quietus, and the original meaning was “to set free” and “to be calm and resting.” She elaborated that “quit” took on negative connotations during the Industrial Revolution, when capitalism’s “relentless productivity” became the measure of one’s worth.
Hmmm… quiet and quit are rooted in self-care aims of freedom, calmness, and rest. Word!
Well…Quit!
“Don’t quit.” With ubiquitous materials and messages on grit, resilience, perseverance, and so forth, our culture’s implicit and explicit curricula socialize and reward learning how to “not quit.” With this cultural saturation, we internalize that quitting is bad. We aren’t taught the knowledge, skills, nor value of how to quit.
Annie Duke’s Quit—The Power of Knowing When to Walk Away is a timely resource in correcting this significant problem. One of my favorite self-care correctives is: “If at first you don’t succeed…redefine success.” As Duke reframes, “Success…lies in picking the right thing to stick to and quitting the rest” (p. xix). Using stories and science, Duke expertly explains why quitting is so important and difficult. She provides a reflective and pragmatic guide for developing core competence in quitting.
Amongst a substantive range of insights and strategies, two facets are particularly pertinent to self-care for helping professionals. First, Duke explains that “identity” is a significant barrier to quitting. “When it comes to quitting, the most painful thing to quit is who you are” (p. 179). Too often, social workers and other helping professionals identify as selfless superheroes out to save the world, regardless of cost to our own well-being. Paraphrasing Duke (very loosely!), we gotta quit that s***.
Similarly, as Duke writes, assessing expected value (EV) helps us know when to stick with it or quit. What’s the EV of quitting? Importantly, EV is not just monetary; it’s anything that affects our well-being.
Self-Care Success: Identifying my value, prioritizing my well-being, and quitting the rest.
Winning at Subtraction Self-Care
Self-care is often portrayed as something we do. Typically, it’s framed as activities inserted into already full lives and added as extra commitments. But, self-care is not just adding something extra. Oftentimes, it’s subtracting. It’s not just what we do; it’s what we do not do. Furthermore, self-care is not just how we recover from work; it’s how we work. Subtraction self-care engages quitting as a life skill and professional competency.
Similarly, like many other aspects of self-care, quitting is not all or nothing. As Duke writes, sometimes quitting can be forced. Quitting can be letting go and making space. It can be as simple as deleting a niggling task on a to-do list or as significant as leaving a toxic workplace or relationship. Oftentimes, quitting involves incremental changes, such as setting boundaries around work expectations—psychologically and practically.
In her book, Duke reports myriad positive outcomes from quitting. She asserts, “Contrary to popular belief, winners quit a lot. That’s how they win” (p. 246). Celebration is part of self-care. Duke proclaims, “Quitting should be celebrated” (p. xxvi).
Self-Care Assignment: Quit something…and, then, celebrate. Winning!
Peace, Love, & Self-Care,
Erlene
Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, is a Partner in The Wellness Group, ETC. This LLC provides evaluation, training, and consultation for organizational wellness and practitioner well-being. Dr. Grise-Owens is lead editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals. As a former faculty member and graduate program director, she and a small (but mighty!) group of colleagues implemented an initiative to promote self-care as part of the social work education curriculum. Previously, she served in clinical and administrative roles. She has experience with navigating toxicity and dysfunction, up-close and personal! Likewise, as an educator, she saw students enter the field and quickly burn out. As a dedicated social worker, she believes the well-being of practitioners is a matter of social justice and human rights. Thus, she is on a mission to promote self-care and wellness!