Self-Care A-Z: 7 Ways To Maintain Self-Care in This Stress-Full Thing Called Life

by Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, lead co-editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals, and Larry W. Owens, EdD, CSW

     Stress is part of life. Difficult experiences are stressful; so are exciting opportunities. Maintaining self-care is challenging in routine times, but even more so during particularly stress-FULL seasons.

     Last month was especially stress-FULL for us, as partners. After co-presenting at a conference in England, we traveled in Iceland. Whilst there, we learned Larry’s mother’s health was declining precipitously. Death was imminent. After the stressful experience ubiquitous in air travel these days, we arrived home and prepared to drive to be with Ruth-Mom. (Nearby family was already with her.)  However, we tested positive for COVID. Thankfully, we’re triple-vaxxed and had mild symptoms. After quarantine, we were with Ruth several days before her death. Then, we focused on honoring her life and grieving. Yet, we were pulled by other professional and personal commitments.

     Amidst the ups and downs, we were pleased that we had had solid self-care. In reflecting, we offer seven tips for maintaining self-care during stress-FULL times.

1. Prioritize Basics

     We were diligent in prioritizing the routine basics of sleep, movement, nutrition, and nature. In Iceland, we immersed in nature. We recovered quickly from COVID, in part, because we slept lots!

     Then, in NC, we prioritized going for morning walks in a beautiful park. We didn’t have a consistently “healthy” diet, but we were mindful of balance. These prioritizations helped us maintain equilibrium.

2. Practice Gratitude

     We practiced gratitude. Cancelled flights and frustrating delays could dominate our air travel story. Instead, we highlight meeting calm, compassionate Constantine, the airline employee who competently helped us woebegone travelers get home. When we thanked Constantine for being a balm to our frazzled spirits, he said, “I just put myself in your shoes.” Such gratitude for the Constantines of the world!

     Thanking Ruth for our relationship; conveying appreciation to staff caring for Ruth in her last days and funeral; sending thanks to those who supported, in myriad ways: Gratitude. On a park walk, we encountered staff. We thanked them for tending the lovely space bringing us serenity. Expressing appreciation to each other, as partners, is habitual. We intentionally amplify appreciation during stress-FULL times.

3. Connect and Set Boundaries

     Notice who shows up—in celebratory and difficult times. Nurture those infuser connections. And, ask for help. As helpers, we know the joy of helping and remind ourselves that others feel similarly.

     Likewise, especially during stress-FULL seasons, set boundaries to protect well-being—in small ways and significant strategies. Difficult times, such as grief, can compel us to place ourselves in situations that exacerbate stress. One strategy is to ask:  Am I doing this because I should or because I want to do it?

4. Identify What’s Nice, but Not Necessary

     Similarly, ascertain: Is it nice, but not necessary?  If I don’t do this thing, will it really matter much? Feeling responsible for everything leads to being overwhelmed by nice, but not necessary, obligations.

     During this time, we dropped or delayed some commitments. We focused on the necessary/crucial (firstly, mutual support) and let some things go.

5. Accept the Full Range of Life’s Experiences

     Acceptance—in the empowering sense—is a self-care approach. Accepting COVID quarantine allowed us to sink into recuperative hibernation. We were better prepared for Ruth’s death because we’d accepted that, at 90 with declining health, every visit might be our last.

     Life is stress-FULL. This full life includes excitement and disappointment, adventure and routine, sickness and health, grief and gratitude, contribution and need.

6. Know What Refuels You

     Self-care requires knowing oneself. One important aspect of self-awareness is knowing what refuels you. The basics (above) are fundamental ways to refuel.

     Self-care certainly includes social connections. Last month involved lots of people-time. We balanced it with sequestered quiet reflection. Solitude can re-fill.

7. Invest NOW in Self-Care

     Last month was particularly challenging. But, after years of self-care investment, it was a time to reinforce self-care. When self-care is routine, you don’t have to add it during crises. It’s there for you. You may have to adapt and be satisfied with “good enough.” Starting now, self-care can carry you through every circumstance.

     An intense month for us sparked this reflection. More broadly, all of us are experiencing an intense era. Self-care is the constant variable essential for navigating this stress-FULL thing called life.

Peace, Love, and Self-Care, Erlene & Larry

Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, is a Partner in The Wellness Group, ETC.  This LLC provides evaluation, training, and consultation for organizational wellness and practitioner well-being. Dr. Grise-Owens is lead editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals.  As a former faculty member and graduate program director, she and a small (but mighty!) group of colleagues implemented an initiative to promote self-care as part of the social work education curriculum. Previously, she served in clinical and administrative roles. She has experience with navigating toxicity and dysfunction, up-close and personal! Likewise, as an educator, she saw students enter the field and quickly burn out. As a dedicated social worker, she believes the well-being of practitioners is a matter of social justice and human rights. Thus, she is on a mission to promote self-care and wellness!

Larry W. Owens, EdD, CSW, is Full Professor of Social Work at Western Kentucky University, Elizabethtown Regional Campus, in Elizabethtown, KY. Beginning as a child care worker, Dr. Owens has more than 25 years of direct care, clinical, and administrative child welfare experience. His experience has included working in outpatient mental health services, foster care, group homes, residential treatment, emergency shelters, adoption, and independent living services. His scholarship areas include leadership, scholarship of teaching-learning, child welfare, and international social issues.