Self-Care A-Z: What’s Love Got To Do With It? Listening to Lizzo About Self-Care
by Erlene Grise-Owens, Ed.D., LCSW, MSW, MRE, and Donia Addison, MSW, LCSW
A June blog post ended with hoping this space promotes loving ourselves! But, really, what’s Love got to do with Self-Care?
Lizzo knows! Lizzo is a rapper and musician who combines the flute and feminism. She’s been getting increasing accolades, with the release of her recent album, “Cuz I Love You.” Her rise to stardom story has many facets. At heart, it’s about radical self-love.
Recently, we chatted about Lizzo’s advice on self-love as self-care. In listening to her interviews and music, here are some chords that seem particularly resonant for us. What would you add to the Love song of the self-care movement?
Reframe Self-Care as Self-Preservation
Self-care is rooted in self-preservation, just like self-love is rooted in honesty. We have to start being more honest with what we need, and…deserve, and start serving that to ourselves. --Lizzo
Self-preservation is both a natural survival instinct and requires intentional practice. It requires setting boundaries, discovering our fluctuating needs, and being honest with ourselves regarding personal limitations. And, instead of waiting for outside sources, we must “serve” ourselves.
The goal of self-preservation is not just to survive, but rather to thrive. Engaging in self-care every day allows us to thrive in our personal and professional lives. This self-care goes beyond the buzzwords and commercialization to the heart of our human-ness.
Just Love Yourself
I understand how hard it is to ‘just love yourself’ in a society that …tells us…we don’t have enough money to love ourselves. --Lizzo
Lizzo avidly pushes back on the common myth of self-care as self-indulgence. She explicitly counters the commercialization of self-care as bubble baths and bon-bons. She emphasizes that self-care is whatever we need to do to love ourselves—and most of that love is non-monetary.
One of the hardest things to do is to learn to love ourselves, unconditionally. Unconditionally doesn’t mean when I lose 20 pounds, or when I land a lucrative job – it means just as I am now! Letting go of others’ expectations and freely loving ourselves is essential self-care.
Seek Supports
I need a mentor. I need someone to talk to. I need to see someone who looks like me that’s successful, that’s doing the things I want to do, to know that it’s possible. --Lizzo
This self-love talk could lead to thinking that it’s all up to the individual. But Lizzo emphasizes getting support. She encourages seeking therapy—and we, as social workers, certainly see the value of that self-care.
In our personal and professional lives, we need to seek out the supports we need to succeed. This support includes pursuing professional development opportunities and resources. Part of self-care is talking with trusted colleagues, using supervision, seeking mentorship, and looking for role models. Sometimes those role models (and other resources) are in our personal spheres. Sometimes they are in the media and other professional and/or public spaces.
Self-care! What’s Love got to do with it? Love gives self-care depth—taking it beyond the superficial buzzwords and commodification. Listen to Lizzo!
With Love,
Donia & Erlene
P.S. Be sure to check out The New Social Worker’s Self-Care Summer! Read, share, and contribute to the self-care movement! Submissions related to self-care (essays of 500 words or less, or creative work such as art or music) are being accepted throughout Summer 2019. Send submissions to Linda Grobman for consideration!
Dr. Erlene Grise-Owens, Ed.D., LCSW, MSW, MRE, is a Partner in The Wellness Group, ETC. This LLC provides evaluation, training, and consultation for organizational wellness and practitioner well-being. Dr. Grise-Owens is lead editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals. As a former faculty member and graduate program director, she and a small (but mighty!) group of colleagues implemented an initiative to promote self-care as part of the social work education curriculum. Previously, she served in clinical and administrative roles. She has experience with navigating toxicity and dysfunction, up-close and personal! Likewise, as an educator, she saw students enter the field and quickly burn out. As a dedicated social worker, she believes the well-being of practitioners is a matter of social justice and human rights. Thus, she is on a mission to promote self-care and wellness!
Donia Addison, MSW, LCSW, is a mental health therapist in a local private practice. She has more than 16 years of experience in the social services field and is passionate about preventing professional burnout. Her hope is to inspire others to find their own self-care journey.