Practicing Forgiveness: A Path Toward Healing, by Richard S. Balkin, Oxford University Press, ISBN: 9780190937201, 2021, 191 pages, $24.95.
Practicing Forgiveness: A Path Toward Healing presents a model and conceptualization for the process of forgiveness. Using real-life examples from clinical experiences, news stories, and personal stories, author Richard Balkin presents this complex topic in a way that is easy to understand and gets readers to think and reflect on their own experiences of forgiveness.
Balkin’s model relies on two perspectives of forgiveness: interpersonal and intrapersonal. Interpersonal forgiveness occurs when two people work toward overcoming conflicts and healing the breach in a relationship, while intrapersonal forgiveness is an individual journey in which forgiveness is sought through a desire to relinquish feelings of ill will toward an offender, but may not necessarily involve the offender in the process. The author delves further into this process through what he calls the Forgiveness Reconciliation Model (FRM), which assists individuals in identifying thoughts, feelings, and events related to the offender and transgression, and thus provide a pathway toward inter- or intrapersonal forgiveness. Balkin also provides an inventory tool to use in clinical settings to help clients work through issues of conflict and forgiveness.
“Rather than attempting to define yourself as a forgiving person or unforgiving person, consider the circumstances and the people involved. Forgiveness is situation specific.” Balkin often points out that there is not a one-size-fits-all recipe for forgiveness, but it is an ongoing process that takes into consideration personal values and morals, environment, and even religion. Forgiveness is a complex process, yet any person who has ever been hurt can identify with it.
Balkin’s book helps break down this process through the FRM model but presents it in an accessible way to readers. As opposed to a textbook style or self-help checklist, Balkin creates an enjoyable and thought-provoking read by weaving in stories of clients that depict their journeys to forgiveness. As we follow along with the clients’ stories, we are also invited to think of our own experiences and examples.
He also incorporates community examples of forgiveness, such as in the case of a 2016 vandalism of a mosque in Arkansas and the 2015 shooting at an African American church in South Carolina. Any reader can find it helpful to think of the effects in their own personal or professional lives. This tumultuous past year has brought to light the emotional turmoil that many are facing and provides a model for reflection and processing, if chosen.
In particular, for those in the social work field, the perspectives depicted in the book are a great reminder of the complex layers of trauma. We need to be ready to support clients throughout their healing journeys, especially in cases of survivors of abuse/addiction or a struggling child-parent relationship.
Practicing Forgiveness helps remind us that although it may be easy to judge a person’s choice, whether it’s returning to an abusive situation or cutting off family contact, in the end it is all about what will help people heal and move forward with their lives.
Reviewed by Renee Borghesi, LSW, graduate of Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, OH.
