Holding Hands
by Aubrey Moore, MSW
As she left the dining hall, I stopped to greet her as I normally do. Hello, Ms. Ellen*, how are you today? Expecting the common response I usually received, I braced myself for her to ignore me, but instead she grabbed my hand and held it.
When I first met Ms. Ellen, we connected much to the surprise of most of the other staff, as she wasn’t typically known as a social butterfly. I would visit her often. Some days she was receptive to our chats and others she declined to notice my existence. But I continued to check in with her, develop a relationship, and show kindness and compassion - and today was no exception. I could tell something was different about her today, but I didn’t know what it was. I checked in with her nurse and asked her to visit with her, which she promptly did.
Several hours later, I was informed that Ms. Ellen was actively passing away and that her family was unable to make it to be at her bedside. Staff followed protocol, making sure she was resting comfortably and providing end-of-life care. As I sat with Ms. Ellen, I held her hand. We listened to some of her favorite music, and I spoke calmly, letting her know she was not alone, but most of the time, I sat in silence next to her. This woman had become near and dear to my heart over the several months that I had been fortunate enough to get to know her. Over the course of several hours, staff stopped in to talk to her, sit with her, or pray with her, as they had done in the past. I continued to stay at her side. I couldn’t leave - not yet.
As I watched her breathing grow shorter and shorter, I continued to hold her hand as I felt my unborn child kick in my growing belly. As her nurses came in to check her vital signs and provide care, we knew our time with her was growing shorter. Knowing that many people pass away alone, I was prepared to leave so she could pass on her own. However, she was not alone, as I sat there holding her hand, and her breathing slowed and came to a rest. I called for her nurse, who confirmed that Ms. Ellen's heartbeat had stopped.
When I began my social work career, I never anticipated an experience like this. Although this was the least expected experience, it has become one of the most meaningful moments of my life. This moment has profoundly shaped my views on life and death and everything in between. As I live by the values of social work and honor them in my interactions with others, I have developed unique relationships with others - relationships full of compassion and love.
We play an important role in our society. It may not always be what you expect; it just might be greater.
*Client's name has been changed.
Aubrey Moore, MSW, is a doctoral student in social work at the University of Tennessee.