Like Falling Through a Cloud: A Lyrical Memoir of Coping With Forgetfulness, Confusion, and a Dreaded Diagnosis, by Eugenia Zukerman, East End Press, ISBN: 978-1732491229, 2019, $21.95 hardcover.
I was drawn to this book as soon as I heard about it. Eugenia Zukerman is an acclaimed virtuoso flutist who has performed with orchestras, chamber music groups, and as a soloist throughout the world. But this is not her only area of accomplishment. Zukerman has written two novels and two nonfiction books, edited an anthology of essays, was artistic director of the Bravo! Vail Valley Music Festival from 1988 to 2011, and was the classical music correspondent for CBS News Sunday Morning from 1980 to 2009.
But this "lyrical memoir" is about more than flutes and music and Zukerman's very accomplished life. Like Falling Through a Cloud is a personal, poetic sharing of Zukerman's emotional journey as she (and others around her) begin to realize that her memory is faltering.
Her daughters encourage her to be evaluated, and it soon becomes clear that she is in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's. She doesn't use the words "Alzheimer's Disease" much, until closer to the end of the book, when she mentions research she has read about and she gives a speech at an Alzheimer's Association event. The book was published in November 2019 during Alzheimer's Awareness Month.
As a flutist myself, I especially enjoyed reading the parts in the book expressing her love of the instrument. Her story of being introduced to the flute in 6th grade and being mesmerized by it is exactly the same as mine. When she describes playing Debussy's Syrinx, a piece she has played every day since about age 10 (she's now in her 70s), I can relate, having played it myself.
But you do not have to be a flutist or a musician to relate to her sense of loss when she gets to a certain point in that piece of music one day and is not able to remember the next note.
I'm lost totally lost and frightened because
I don't just play this piece, I feel it, I dance it in my head
and to forget one note fills me with a dark and ominous dread.
Eugenia Zukerman, p. 154
Anyone who has experienced cognitive or physical decline of some kind can relate to her fear of not being able to do something she used to do with ease - whether playing a familiar piece of music, remembering a word, or knowing where she left her glasses.
For social workers and other mental health and medical professionals, her descriptions of her neuro-psych evaluation and going to therapy for her anxiety provide useful insights into what she is thinking and feeling during these sessions. As she struggles with her new reality, she finds coping strategies. When she describes these strategies, we get an inside look at what they are like from her perspective.
Throughout the book, she continues to live a very full life - navigating her way through New York City, traveling back and forth to upstate New York, directing an arts series, playing the flute every day, going to and from doctor and therapy appointments. And she is able to express herself eloquently, as demonstrated by the book itself. At the same time, her cognitive decline is progressing.
Like Falling Through a Cloud is an exquisitely written poetic memoir, documenting early stages of Alzheimer's. Each 1- to 2-page piece is quick and easy to read. I was struck by Zukerman's honesty and humor. I was left feeling hopeful.
Linda May Grobman, MSW, ACSW, LSW, is the publisher, editor, and founder of The New Social Worker magazine. She is also the editor of Days in the Lives of Social Workers and other books in the series.
