Be
(Editor's Note: Holistic self-care engages heart and soul. This guest post by Elisa Kawam reflects on the soul of self-care. Watch for a Valentine post on the heart of self-care.)
by Elisa Kawam, RYT 500, MSW, Ph.D.
Since beginning my formal social work education, I’ve heard repeatedly about self-care. Often mentioned; rarely clarified. I accepted that self-care was prescribed: Eat some fruit, call your mom, take a walk. Check, check, and check. Easy-peasy, right? Well…not so much.
Lies
A card on my mom’s bathroom mirror reads: “I do yoga; I drink green tea; and I STILL want to slap someone.” While not the most professional sentiment, it’s poignant and relatable. For over a decade, I had my routine: do yoga, drink tea, pet cat, repeat as needed. Like instructions on a shampoo bottle, I became regimented and mechanistic. I’d think, “I got this self-care thing down!” Others thought so, too. Asked for advice on wellness, I supplied the need for insight. But, a part of me felt hypocritical.
Why was I was doing all these self-care acts, but not feeling balanced? Was something wrong with me? Was I an unfit social worker? Was I burnt out? Unsure and frustrated, I persisted, as we are taught to do. I retooled, got a Ph.D., married, became a yoga teacher. I studied stress, trauma, and family. I wrote, taught, spoke, and researched. Most importantly, I reflected. I thought deeply about the world and my role in it.
Truth
And, through reflection, I realized that self-care is, simply put: Truth. Truth has varied meanings. But, I am speaking about a concept without words or bounds. It’s a feeling deep in your gut. Not an objective truth; rather your subjective truth.
Some days my truth is a hard run and a healthy smoothie; some days it’s junk food and a Netflix marathon. Some days, truth means feeling strong and resilient. Other days, it’s crying at the drop of a hat and acknowledging spiritual depletion. Some days are up; some are down. But, the grand “some” of life/work is only meaningful if we are true to ourselves and our path.
Soul
As the saying goes, “We are not human doings but rather human beings.” We glorify being busy. Our worth is tied to how much we do, rather than who we are. Self -care is not merely to-do lists, but, moreso, a state of being. As you change, your self-care might follow suit.
Through all the changes, the soul of self-care requires being! Sounds complicated. But, here are some guiding steps.
First Step: Just sit and be with your thoughts: the full spectrum of worthy to unworthy, success to failure, good to bad. Sit with them; befriend them. Don’t act - just sit and enjoy yourself.
Second Step: Remove the word “should” from your vocabulary. We “should” on ourselves all day, and it’s soul-sapping. From that wellspring of YOU, figure out what, who, where, and when you need to be authentic. Make a list. Put it on your mirror or desk so you see it every day.
Third Step: Finally, start being. Don’t do anything; again, just be and see what happens. Who/What/Where/When is your truth? That, my friend, is the soul-center of self-care.
Dr. Elisa Kawam is a proud ASU Sun Devil, yoga teacher, and a passionate social worker. Her areas of work include intergenerational transmission of trauma, trauma-informed treatment/yoga, child welfare, attachment, and mothering. She currently lives in New Mexico with her fur babies and husband, where she serves as Executive Director of NASW New Mexico chapter in Albuquerque.