Self-Care A-Z: Black Women and Self-Care

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Cortney Downs 2019

Cortney Downs

by Cortney Downs, MSW, CSW

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” Audre Lorde

     In my first graduate-level social work class, I read this Audre Lorde quote. The quote didn’t immediately resonate with me. Admittedly, I didn’t have a comprehensive understanding of what self-care meant. As I wrote in a previous post, I was fully immersed in my work; I didn’t think I needed self-care.

The Myth of the “Strong Black Woman”

     With experience, Audre Lorde’s message has increasing significance to me. As a black woman, I often see the “strong black woman” trope attached to successful, accomplished women. This trope is especially attributed to those who overcome hardships, usually “on our own.” Similarly, the message that, collectively, we must “work twice as hard to be seen as half as good” is everywhere. Racism, sexism, and any other isms disproportionately affect “strong black women.”  

     These factors perpetuate our seemingly innate and unrelenting strength, our ability and expectation to survive anything. They reinforce that we should never need or rely on anyone else. They convey that we should take care of everyone else.

Be Strong: Practice Self-Care

     In deepening understanding of both self-care and the experience of black women, I realized: Perpetuating the “strong black woman” message is unrealistic and problematic. By internalizing it, I was unknowingly stripping myself of the opportunity to be vulnerable, acknowledge my needs, and take care of myself. It perpetuated the myth that putting myself first, regardless of whether I’m helping others, is unnecessary at best and selfish at worst.

     The strong black woman myth is exhausting. How can I simultaneously process toxicity, take care of others, and recharge, while maintaining an attitude and behaviors that sustain me, validate my worth to others, and retain mental and physical health? How does one do that without caring for themselves?

Be Full of Ourselves & “Full-fill” Our Purpose

     Alice Walker said, “Show me a person not full of herself, and I’ll show you a hungry person.” That is, we cannot care for others or counteract the physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion that we experience in life without first taking care of ourselves. 

     A recent post on this blog addressed persistent myths about self-care. These myths affect black women even more negatively. In countering them, self-care is not weakness, selfishness, or an extra luxury for people of affluence. Self-care is an act of survival.

     So, my sisters in the profession, let’s redefine “strong black woman” to include self-care. Be strong enough to take care of you. Reclaim your time. Say no (with a period, not a comma). Set and enforce boundaries. Do something for yourself every day, even if just for five minutes. Be intentional and persistent in learning how to integrate self-care.

     “Strong black women” are admirable in our strengths and contributions! And, let’s change the narrative around what “strong black women” means. By giving ourselves permission to invest in us, we can inspire others to do the same. We can fulfill our purpose by re-filling ourselves through self-care!

Cortney Downs, MSSW, CSW, is a graduate of the University of Louisville’s Raymond A. Kent School of Social Work. She works in children’s policy advocacy, researching and analyzing data and policies specific to the child welfare system, abuse and neglect, and juvenile justice to inform state, local, and organizational policy change. Previously, Cortney spent nearly ten years working directly with adult and youth victims of intimate partner violence and sexual assault. She is a macro-minded social worker whose research interests include the abuse-to-prison pipeline and outcomes for girls who experience trauma in childhood.