What's Your Stury
by Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, and Kimberly Garts Crum, MSW, MFA
In powerful, often subtle ways, storylines become self-fulfilling. The stories we tell ourselves shape our worldviews and daily lives. Words, woven into stories, both describe and determine our realities—individually and collectively.
Revisioning Self-Care Stories
In many ways, this blog is about re-storying self-care.* This forum seeks to re-vision Self-Care, both in the general sense and as individual stories. The commonly narrated storylines that portray self-care in dismissive and damaging ways need to be rigorously revised. Dominant cultural storylines include: Women, particularly women of color, are to be selfless and subservient; therefore, self-care is eschewed. Men, particularly men of color, are to be strong and self-reliant; therefore, seeking help is weak. (Notably, these stories are embedded in the harmful binarity and hierarchy of dominant Western culture stories.) Similarly, social work is a helping profession; therefore, social workers must help others—not ourselves.
Both individually and more broadly, self-care storylines are embedded in myriad myths and misunderstandings. Here are examples: Self-care is something the organization should do; thus, I have no power to affect my own well-being. Self-care is being physically fit; I’m not fit, therefore, I stink at self-care. Self-care is a luxury I cannot afford or emergency response I earn through exhaustion. Many of these storylines have a similar theme: We’re stuck in a story that we don’t deserve the kind of life we desire.
In Women Rowing North, Mary Pipher shares that her “most common story is that someone needs me and I must rescue [them].” She ponders, “What if I just stopped being heroic?” With significant reflection and proactive changes, she re-stories self-care. She concludes, “With intention, …I can live [a] more self-cherishing story.”
What’s YOUR Self-Care Story?
Wholistic self-care is about re-storying our narratives to create the storyline we want. We invite you to a self-directed writing well-shop™. Below, we provide writing prompts. Use these as guideposts to generate reflection, not guardrails to curtail creativity. Free write, go off topic, meander. Like all self-care paths, the write way is your way.
As you consider your self-care story, think about these reflective writing prompts
(The Wellness Group, ETC Well-Sheet™)
Title
“Writing is the act of discovery.”—Natalie Goldberg
- What would the title of your current self-care story be?
Characters
“You’re the storyteller and the story told.”—John Green
- Which characters and events dominate the story?
Voice
“Our eventual fate will be the sum of the stories we told ourselves long enough.”–Crystal Woods
- Are you approaching your self-care story with a passive voice? That is, things are done to you. Or, are you using active voice, taking charge of your life?
Chapters
“Your story is the most powerful part of who you are…struggles, successes, and everything in between.”—Michelle Obama
- What chapters are you avoiding—complications, pain, anger, grief?
Storyline
“Our brains are organized by narrative and image.”—Gloria Steinem
- What are key words and visuals in your story? What lines do you repeat, thus, recreating that story?
Re-storying
“We become the stories we tell ourselves.”—Cleo Wade
- What aspects of your current self-care story do you want to accentuate and continue?
- What shifts in your storyline could move the narrative toward more acceptance, balance, contentment, joy?
- What new stories can you tell yourself that will help your re-visioning?
Once Upon a Time…Rewrite
Although the creativity and connectivity are rewarding and can feel good, writing is difficult. William Zinsser, a writing guru, said, “Rewriting is the essence of writing well.” Like writing well, self-care requires discipline, creativity, connectivity, commitment—and good editing.
As the next step in your re-storying of self-care, we invite you to re-read what you’ve written and write a personal letter to your self. Here’s how to revise your story. Talk directly to the person who makes your life miserable or stands in the way of your self-care. (Hint: The person might be YOU!)
Similar to self-care, Anne LaMott counsels, “Almost all good writing begins with terrible first efforts. [Just] start somewhere.” The self-care narrative can tell a “happily ever after” story, which includes struggles and challenges. To write/live well means accepting the need for edits. Collectively, we can re-story self-care, one rewrite at a time.
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[*Take a few minutes to peruse previous blog entries. What re-storying ones resonate with you? You might start with “Revising the Giving Tree.”]
Dr. Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, is a Partner in The Wellness Group, ETC. This LLC provides evaluation, training, and consultation for organizational wellness and practitioner well-being. Dr. Grise-Owens is lead editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals. As a former faculty member and graduate program director, she and a small (but mighty!) group of colleagues implemented an initiative to promote self-care as part of the social work education curriculum. Previously, she served in clinical and administrative roles.
Kimberly Crum was first a social worker in health and psychiatric settings (MSW, University of Iowa) and is now a writer (MFA Spalding University) and writing teacher. She guides (mostly) women to write life stories for publication, self-expression, or posterity.