Photo Credit BigStockPhoto/SkazovD
What Should I Do
by Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, lead co-editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals
A big barrier to self-care success is how much we should on our self-care. I’ve developed this tool to facilitate moving away from ineffective, shaming “shoulding” tendencies toward more effective, compassionate self-care.
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Should Shonda versus Self-Care Shonda
In each scenario below, how much are you like Should Shonda or Self-Care Shonda?
Use the accompanying scale to designate your points in each scenario.
Should Shonda vs. Self-Care Shonda Chart
(Note: If you do not see the chart above, please download the chart here.)
Your turn. Add your own scenario(s). What’s a particular shoulding area for you? Identify a specific personal or professional scenario. Or, a more general life tendency. Next, imagine a self-care reframe. Here’s an example:
- Should Me: I am WOMAN. Hear me ROAR. I should DO it ALL!
- Self-Care Me: I am woman. Hear me roar: Delegate, Delete, Defer
Scoring: Calculate your points. Note that Should points are negative and Self-Care points are positive.
Reflecting: The goal is not a “perfect” score. Instead, reflect on your score. Identify those scenarios with higher scores (even if still in the negative zone). Reflect on how you’re able to be better with your self-care in those scenarios—and how to continue improving. Next, identify the lowest scores. Consider how you might use what you’ve learned from your successes in other areas to improve. The goal is to move toward Self-Care Shonda rather than Should Shonda.
Less shameful Shoulding! More compassionate Caring!
Peace, Love, & Self-Care, Erlene
Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, is a Partner in The Wellness Group, ETC. This LLC provides evaluation, training, and consultation for organizational wellness and practitioner well-being. Dr. Grise-Owens is lead editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals. As a former faculty member and graduate program director, she and a small (but mighty!) group of colleagues implemented an initiative to promote self-care as part of the social work education curriculum. Previously, she served in clinical and administrative roles. She has experience with navigating toxicity and dysfunction, up-close and personal! Likewise, as an educator, she saw students enter the field and quickly burn out. As a dedicated social worker, she believes the well-being of practitioners is a matter of social justice and human rights. Thus, she is on a mission to promote self-care and wellness!